how yoga heals: yin yoga and ulcerative colitis

I believe that all yoga is healing if applied in the right manner. No one called Krishnamacharya a "yoga therapist" and you were surely not able to become certified as one back in his day. When I took my first two courses of study at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram, we listened every day to the stories of private students about how the particular style of yoga that is taught at KYM is a healing path. I have experienced my own healing at KYM with the private yoga therapy that was prescribed for me, certain asanas that I still do.

My work with private students is a mixed bag, but I always use what I learned, and continue to learn, at KYM. I have heard that style of yoga called "old ladies yoga" because it is a slow, deliberate practice, breath-based and heart centered. Some believe that "the kind of yoga he [Desikachar] espouses is becoming, like the polar bear, something of an endangered species." I can tell you that I met more than few astangis at KYM, some of whom studied directly with Jois in Mysore, who came to KYM to heal their bodies. They told me that the yoga practiced at KYM was like a light bulb going off over their head. As for myself, after my first month-long intensive in 2005, my practice and my teaching changed forever.

So I am never surprised when my students tell me their stories of healing. Below is a story written by one of my students who is only 22 and no longer has a large intestine. I felt that a yin yoga practice would be extremely beneficial for her condition and my intuition was right-on -- as I said, I believe all yoga is healing if applied correctly, it does not matter what the style is. I asked her to write her story so that others can read about the true power of yoga. However, please remember that yoga is not one size fits all -- your body is different from this student's, so your mileage may vary...;)

This is why I teach, and I am blessed to have students like this. I couldn't get a better Christmas present than that.


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"For the past seven years I have been dealing with ulcerative colitis, an autoimmune disorder of the large intestine. During these years I have been hospitalized and medicated to keep my symptoms under control. Since the doctors could not find a medication or therapy that would be sustainable for my treatment over the long term a full colectomy, the removal of the large intestine, was performed on me in May of 2008. After some complications, I had my second surgery in July of 2008 and was considered “cured.” I was doing well until May of 2009 when I developed autoimmune pancreatitis. Twice in two months I was hospitalized for this condition, the doctors supplied me with pancreatic enzymes to take whenever I ate. Because I developed another autoimmune disorder, I decided that it was time for a change in my lifestyle and mindset, time to learn how to deal with the stress that life brings. For me, that step was to start taking a yoga class.

It was the last semester of my associates degree and I needed one more P.E. credit and since yoga was an option, my counselor and I decided that it would be a great class for me to take. This was not a decision based on physical fitness, it was a decision based on a need for a new mindset. So, I bought my textbook, leafed through it, and went to my first day of yoga. I walked in exhausted, nauseous, and in pain from my latest autoimmune disorder of my pancreas. That class we went over the syllabus and did some breath work. Before class ended, Linda announced that if you had any physical conditions, to stay and talk with her after class, little did I know that the conversation we would have would end up being my cure.

So I stayed afterward, waiting for the people with bad backs and knees to let Linda know about their issues that could affect the different poses that we might be doing in class. I explained to Linda what I had been through and that my surgery scars bothered me when doing core work because of scar tissue issues I had. We delved into my ailments, and she had a thought. Linda explained a little to me about what yin yoga is and that she had a class that I could join. She thought that yin might be more beneficial to my issues than only doing the regular yoga. I was on a mission for change in my life and yin sounded like the idea that might help me.

The next Wednesday night I went to Linda's house for my first yin yoga class. When I arrived I was terribly nauseous, so badly that I almost did not go that night. Linda decided to do a stress practice that focused on the stomach meridians. By the time I left that yin class, my nausea had dropped by about 80%. It was absolutely incredible to leave feeling as I was, I hadn't had that lack of nausea for about 4 months. I was excited, but nervous that this might be a temporary fix and not long term. I left open minded and with anticipation for the next class. Reading my yoga text and taking that class simultaneously with my yin class was another benefit of the last 5 months. It was interesting to see how I felt if I missed a yin class one week, but still had my regular yoga class.

After a month of doing yoga, especially the yin, my symptoms had improved so much that I was able to stop taking my pancreatic enzymes. Also, I started to do my own yin practice on a daily basis. Everyday, whenever I could fit it in morning or evening, I do a full hero [supta virasana] for 10 to 20 minutes, then child's pose for 5 to 10 minutes, and the downward facing dog for 10 to 12 breaths. This daily practice has given me days, and now months, free of nausea and pain. Accepting the realization that reality is reality and it is always changing and out of my control along with watching my breath, which has brought my mindfulness to a better level, has truly been a life-changing process and I can't wait to continue on this journey. [emphasis supplied.]

From my first yin classes where I could feel my insides unwinding, to now where I can still feel my meridians winding out, I am 100% positive that yin has benefited my health in ways that I would have never imagined. I love doing my yoga practices, but my daily yin practices, focus on breath work, and the realization of what reality is, has been the most beneficial milestone is my life thus far. I am always looking forward to my yoga time and what I learn from it, and encourage anyone with autoimmune disorders to give it a chance, because such a simple thing can be so life-changing."

interview: yin yoga

I've been interviewed for an article for the health and fitness magazine supplement to my local newspaper that will come out in January. I thought I would post some of the questions and my answers.

How does yin yoga balance the mind, body, and spirit?

Yoga was never meant to be a purely physical practice -- the ancient yogis (the sramanas) knew this when they went into the forests thousands of years ago to use their own bodies and minds and nervous systems as laboratories for experiments in personal transformation. We are not just our physical bodies so whatever type of yoga is practiced will balance the mind-body-spirit.

All yoga styles work the energy body, however, I feel that yin yoga is in a sense a deeper practice because the emphasis is solely on the connective tissues, not the muscles. Both the ancient Indian yogis and the Chinese yogis (the Taoists) believed that the connective tissue houses energy pathways, called nadis by the Indians and meridians by the Chinese. These energy pathways contain our life force, prana as the Indian yogis called it, chi as the Chinese yogis called it. Our energy body (the total of all these energy pathways) tends to become dense or stagnate when we do not move our bodies outside of our habitual ranges of motion. This is why we do yoga. But by coming into a pose in a slow yin way and staying for many minutes at a time helps us get deeper within our natural ranges of motion in the joints of the hips, pelvis, and lower back.

Chi stagnation is what acupuncturists deal with so that is why yin yoga is also called "needleless acupuncture" because you can move and balance your chi via yin yoga postures by stretching and pressuring the connective tissues that house the meridians. Modern life is very yang, lots of movement, rushing around, no stillness -- this causes stress and burn out. Yin yoga is a way of slowing down and going inward. Life is always about balance, the yin and the yang. Too much yang and you burn out; too much yin and you become a couch potato. Think of all the physical ailments that people have from too much stress and burn-out.

Because of my own personal yoga and meditation practice, I truly believe that combining a yin practice with a yang practice (such as a strong vinyasa or astanga practice) offers a complete yoga practice not only on the physical level but more importantly on the psychic level. I believe that working on these deeper levels is what what leads or our own personal transformation and that the changes we make to our soft tissue have a profound influence on the emotional, mental, and energetic levels. My own yoga practice deepened in a very potent way when I began to move away from an alignment-based, precision-obsessed practice.

There is also a whole psychosomatic level to balancing the energy body. Strong and flowing prana (or chi) is important because it affects the way we feel and the way we think. Blending the physical with the emotional levels expands our possibilities within a complete yoga practice.

the ups and downs of teaching and why common sense ain't too common

"Repeated frustrations and disappointments, Sama, are always a reflection of repeated misunderstandings and presumptions. Oh, darn." - The Universe


Some of the most frequent search phrases for this blog are about "teaching yoga" or "how much does a yoga teacher make" or "I want to teach yoga." I've written before about the trials and tribulations about teaching for yoga studio owners, so this is another taste of what real life yoga teaching is all about. Gather 'round, children.

Besides teaching privately, I also teach at two community colleges and rent a room at a massage therapy business. I will be gone for two months next year so I needed to get subs for my classes. The two colleges are covered and the persons in charge of my classes are very thankful that I did not leave them in the lurch; both wished me well and told me they would welcome me back, no problem. In fact one woman told me that I was the best yoga teacher they could ever have....sigh (hug.)

Some of you may recall my misadventure with a young studio owner which prompted me to find the room that I rent. I started teaching in this space in January and the dedicated yin students followed me there from the studio.

As a renter I am under no delusion that I will be there forever. You rent at the whim of the landlord. It seemed like a great fit since the owner does massage, reiki, has meditation classes, etc.

When I started using his space the first thing I did was invite him to my class on Sunday mornings to experience what yin yoga is all about and to learn more about me. I thought he would be all into it considering he is a massage therapist and teaches meditation classes (in other words, he talks the talk.) He never did.

I told him that I study yoga therapy at one of the leading yoga schools in the world, so I encouraged him to suggest yoga therapy to his clients. I encouraged him to promote the fact that he had a highly trained yoga teacher working out of his space and it could be a win-win situation for both of us. The situation that I describe can really be the best of both worlds for a yoga teacher and a holistic practice if there is communication and give and take between the parties. During the year I also suggested different workshops but he never showed any interest. I am the only yoga in this small town, which will soon have no yoga. A big fish in a little pond with lots of room for growth. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to have my own meditation center that offers yoga (instead of the other way around), I can not afford to rent a space large enough to do this.

I said that I would be gone for two months and asked whether it would be OK to continue the classes (my students were already worried about what would happen to the classes) with my friend subbing. After all, it's not my place, so I teach there at his whim. I asked three times about it and I never received a response. I finally received this email:

"When Metta-Yoga started at the Center, I was thinking about it more from the perspective that it would be of benefit to some of the Center clients. So far, it doesn't seem like there has been very many that have taken up on the opportunity. The additional exposure would have been nice too, but as far as I can tell, there have only been one or two students who have sought sessions. Also, I need to start teaching classes on Saturday and Sunday days which would end up conflicting with the class room use on Sunday. From a philosophical perspective, I am slightly more comfortable referring clients to a style of Yoga such as Svaroopa as it is more spinal and joint opening then core strengthening. I think a restorative / repairative style would be more attractive to some of my older, chronically impaired clients who have spinal & joint issues. Therefore, I am thinking that at the end of the year we should end the use of the space for the classes you are teaching."

Now let me break down this email for you, kids....

1. Other than being mentioned on the center's website, to my knowledge my sessions were never advertised to their database, so how would his clients know what I offer and take advantage of it? I always asked whether my new sessions would be announced and I never received any response. In fact, I used to teach two classes and had to drop one because of lack of attendance. I also could not depend on coverage in the local paper -- the editor told me my press release could always be superseded by an announcement for let's say...a hog calling contest. ahem.

2. As for needing to use the room, I understand that, it's his space.

3. My students did not utilize his services, which is too bad, but I could not help that.

4. But as for the part in bold....HUH?!?

Like I said, even after more than a few invitations the owner never came to my class (which he could have taken for free!) or ever asked me what I teach or how I teach, so he had no basis for making that statement. Yin yoga is "core strengthening"? Whaaaat?

As for Svaroopa yoga, I started becoming suspicious when I saw cards for a Svaroopa yoga teacher next to my cards on the front desk. Hmmmmmm, I thought, what's that all about? I know nothing about that style of yoga, only that it uses chairs and lots of props and is considered restorative. But my point is: the owner never made any attempt to learn what I do or what I can offer.

"Spinal and joint opening"? This was my response to that:

"I do not teach a style of yoga that is "core strengthening." I invited you a number of times to come experience yin yoga, but you never did.

All yoga is "spinal and joint opening" just as all yoga is therapeutic if applied in the right manner. In fact, the style of yin yoga is not only practiced by senior citizens with limited mobility, but is also used in addiction and trauma recovery programs. The concept of "yin" means that it is "still" as opposed to "yang" or moving."

Common sense tells me that if I, a holistic practitioner, was renting space to a yoga teacher with my training in yoga, yoga therapy, meditation, and energy work, that I would want to take advantage of that and work with that person to grow both our businesses. He would have been the only alternative therapy business for miles around to offer yoga therapy. As my friend who was going to sub for me told me, his loss. But common sense ain't too common anymore. What was I thinking?!?

Don't kid yourselves. As much as we yoga teachers like to think that yoga has gone mainstream, that people will be rushing to yoga therapy, or that other holistic practitioners will knock down your doors begging for your services...think again.

So let this be a lesson for you, children, on the ups and down of yoga teaching. But am I upset? Actually I'm not. For some reason that I have yet to figure out, I am relieved. Sure it was a nice chunk of change every 6-8 weeks, but the energy was off. When I offer my services to someone and say let's work together, and I am not respected and worse, underestimated, it's time to get the hell out.

This yoga business journey has shown me time and time again to do my own thing and don't count on (and never completely trust) anyone but me. The words of my astrologer keep ringing in my ears: find my own tribe.

no attachment, no aversion

What would happen to pain if we did not label it as such? What would happen if we turned to face our obstacles instead of pushing them away?

I teach vinyasa flow and yin yoga. Yin yoga is a style that is still unfamiliar to many yoga students. It doesn't make you sweat and you don't feel like you've gotten a "workout" -- "you mean you're not moving? you're just on the floor? no way can I do pigeon for 10 minutes, are you kidding?!?"

I believe that if you have strictly a "yang" practice like astanga or vinyasa, you are only giving yourself half the gift of yoga.

Because of my training with Paul Grilley and Sarah Powers and my own personal yoga and meditation practices, I feel that a yin/yang yoga practice offers a complete practice not only on the physical level, but more importantly on the psychic level. Working on these deeper levels is what leads to our personal transformation, and the changes we make in our soft tissue have a profound influence on the emotional, mental, and energetic levels. My own yoga practice deepened when I moved away from an alignment-based, precision-obsessed practice.

A quiet yin practice reveals our subtle body. We move from the gross muscular level into our bones, into the connective tissue deep within us. Many yoga students don't practice in a way that invites stillness because many times the contemplative aspects of yoga are ignored in western yoga classes. How many of you sit in stillness for 10-15 minutes DURING a vinyasa class, i.e., at the end of class, not AFTER the class, only as an option? My study at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram in India showed me how different yoga is there compared to the fitness classes labeled as yoga here.

In my training with Sarah earlier this year she said that "yoga is a process of fully inhabiting ourselves -- body, heart, and mind." Sarah believes that as a society we are so fixated on our bodies looking and performing a certain way that we neglect the spirit body. She said that Ken Wilber calls this "bodyism", and I see it all the time in vinyasa classes.

There is nothing wrong in trying to perfect an arm balance or headstand, nothing at all. But if the only thing behind it is Ego, then it is only a performance. Non-attachment, non-Ego, is accepting yourself just the way you are in that present moment when your legs smash the wall and you crash down from a very shaky headstand -- and smiling about it instead of swearing. I ask my students, "what is going to ultimately transform you? holding an arm balance for five minutes or sitting in stillness for five minutes?"

The stillness of yin yoga allows us to observe the rising and passing away of physical and emotional sensations. All of our life experiences reside in our body, and the emotional afflictions we all carry affects the body and hardens us, physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yin yoga is not just about cultivating physical flexibility, but our inner flexibility as well. Sarah believes that we can never truly soften if we do not investigate these sensations and turn toward our pain and discomfort, instead of running from them. This process is similar to vipassana meditation -- watching, arising, abiding, passing away.

Sarah's teacher training included a workshop called "Working with Emotional Obstacles Along the Path." She suggests that we explore our personal responses to our sensations, and instead of pushing them away, confront them, because if we do not, our obstacles continue to live in our bodies. Sarah recommends a five step process:

* Recognition -- Identify what is disturbing you the most. Emotional pain, illness, addiction, self-hate?

* Acceptance -- Acknowledge the issue and explore how and where it lives inside you. Does it have a shape, color, size, temperature, texture?

* Impartiality -- Let go of defining the issue as right or wrong. Let go of assumptions and just observe.

* Personification -- Imagine this issue as a living being in front of you. Notice its gender, color, size, etc. Ask It what It needs of You, and if this need is met, how does that make You feel?

* Compassion -- Give yourself permission to have this need as you begin to open to the expansiveness and clarity of your newfound Awareness.

Yoga, done with mindfulness, allows us to come home to ourselves.

TADA DRASTUH SVARUPE VASTHANAM
(Yoga Sutra-s 1.3)
"Then, the ability to understand the object fully and correctly is apparent."

"In the state of Yoga, the different preconceptions and products of the imagination that can prevent or distort understanding are controlled, reduced, or eliminated. The tendency to be closed to fresh comprehension or the inability to comprehend are overcome." (Reflections on Yoga Sutra-s of Patanjali, TKV Desikachar)

yin yoga Q & A

After reading this post, Anonymous asked:

"How can it be a good thing to stretch ligaments? Fascia, I understand; I learned a lot about it in anatomy courses & totally get why it needs to be flexible. But I'm not clear on ligaments: don't they hold bones in place, as in joints? Don't people have problems with hyperextending in, for example, knees & ankles, when the ligaments are too stretched out & the bones "wiggle" all over the place? If stretching can cause this, can't yoga also? Thanks for any clarification you can bring to this issue."

Good questions, Anonymous, I will try to answer.

Your first misconception is that somehow ligaments are different from fascia. No; for the purpose of yin yoga "connective tissue" refers to ligaments and fascia, i.e, the broad bands of connective tissue that even extends into the innermost parts of each cell. I direct your attention to the website of the First International Fascia Research Conference that took place in 2007. My teacher, Paul Grilley, was invited to speak at this conference but did not attend. He believes that once this fascia research gets into the "mainstream" medical community, it will revolutionize medicine. From the fascia research website:

"Fascia, or dense fibrous connective tissues, nevertheless potentially plays a major and still poorly understood role in joint stability, in general movement coordination, as well as in back pain and many other pathologies. One reason why fascia has not received adequate scientific attention in the past decades is that this tissue is so pervasive and interconnected that it easily frustrates the common ambition of researchers to divide it into a discrete number of subunits which can be classified and separately described. In anatomic displays the fascia is generally removed, so the viewer can see the organs nerves and vessels but fails to appreciate the fascia which connects, and separates, these structures."

In other words, Anonymous, don't believe everything in your anatomy courses. Medical books sometimes are not updated for 20 years. Why? Too expensive.

"Don't people have problems with hyperextending?"

If Mark Spitz could not hyperextend his knees by about 30 degrees, he would not have won 7 Olympic gold medals for swimming. If Michael Phelps could not hyperextend his joints, he would not have beaten Spitz's record. If contortionists could not hyperextend their joints, there would be no Cirque de Soleil. You are believing an anatomical cultural myth that somehow hyperextension of joints is always inherently dangerous, and that's just not true.

"when the ligaments are too stretched out..."

Your second misconception is that somehow a ligament is "inert", that once "stretched" it will not return to it's usual length. Many anatomists, doctors, and medical researchers still believe that connective tissue is not "alive" in the same sense that a muscle is "alive." This is simply not true. It IS true that injured ligaments take a longer time to heal but that is not because they are "too stretched out"; it's because they have less blood supply than, for example, a muscle.

So I would ask you, if ligaments get "too stretched out", then why do people get so stiff in their old age? Stiff hips, stiff backs, stiff knees? Would that not suggest that the connective tissue is NOT inert, that it actually does continually lengthen and shorten, and in old age it can literally shrink wrap the joints if not therapeutically stressed as one therapeutically stresses their heart doing aerobics or the way you therapeutically stress your muscles when you lift weights? But don't believe me -- go ask an 85 year old in a nursing home how flexible they feel.

Here is an excerpt from the chapter "Isn't Stretching the Joints Bad?" from Paul Grilley's book, Yin Yoga: A Quiet Practice:

"Moderately stretching the joints is not injuring them any more than lifting a barbell is injuring the muscles. Both forms of exercise can be done recklessly but neither one is innately wrong or dangerous. Of course, if someone bounces into their joints they will hurt themselves sooner or later, but that is Yang activity and Yin connective tissue shouldn't be trained that way.

Yin forms of exercise seem new to our way of thinking. People accept the fact that muscle tissue shrinks or grows in rsponse to exercise, but imagine that the connective tissue of the body is insert and unchanging. This is not true. All the tissues of our body are changing and adapting to the stresses put upon them, even our bones.

If we didn't exercise them, our muscles would atrophy and weaken and as a consequence so would our bones. Not as obvious to us but just as undesirable is the slow shortening and stiffening of connective tissue throughout our body due to injuries, neglect and aging. If we never bend our knees or stretch our spines, then the connective tissue is going to slowly shorten to the minimum length needed to accommodate our activities. If we want to maintain our joint flexibilities, we must exercise them, but we cannot exercise them like muscles, we must exercise them Yin fashion."

"If stretching can cause this, can't yoga also?"

Anonymous, you must first understand the difference between yin yoga and other forms of yoga which are considered yang.

The fundamental difference between yin yoga and astanga or vinyasa, for example, which are "yang" forms of yoga, is that the poses in yin yoga are done on the floor and held for 3 to 5 minutes minimum (poses like pigeon, child's pose, cobbler's pose, forward fold, among others.) Connective tissue does not respond to rhythmical stretches the way muscles do, in fact, you would injure your CT if you worked CT like muscles. Connective tissue is tough and fibrous and stretches best when pulled like taffy, slowly and gently.

A football player tears his ACL because his knee snaps -- that's a yang movement, that is a hard and fast movement that certainly injures connective tissue.

Holding yin yoga postures for a few minutes with moderate stress is not going to pull the connective tissue to the breaking point. The CT is only going to stretch minutely and if you are consistent with a yin yoga practice, the body responds by growing CT a little longer and thicker, which is what you want for the health of your joints.

Thanks for reading this blog and for asking your question.

killing yoga's sacred cows: Paul Grilley training, part 2

"HOW CAN THERE BE UNIVERSAL PRINCIPLES OF ALIGNMENT WHEN EVERYONE'S BONES ARE DIFFERENT?"

How indeed?

I have been a student of Paul Grilley's for about five years now and I've been teaching yin yoga for three years. I first did a workshop with him at the Midwest Yoga Conference and as soon as he said "yoga is all in the bones" I was hooked. Paul is an anatomy genius and as I listened to him explain why there will always be poses that some of us will never be able to do a lightbulb went off over my head. I thought, "why isn't every yoga teacher learning from this man?"

Five years ago Paul brought real bones to his workshops. not plastic bones, real bones, in a suitcase, so imagine him getting through airport security. he doesn't do that anymore because they began to deteriorate, but you can see the pictures of those bones on his website.



every yoga teacher who reads this blog should click on each picture and learn how everyone's bones are different. our bones are different on each side of our bodies. we are not symetrical. let that sink in and think about how your students look in asanas.

Why is shoulderstand exceedingly easy for one person and the next one hates it?

Why does one person's foot come out farther in front in pigeon and the next person can't get their foot very much past their pubic bone? and how many yoga teachers walk over and immediately pull that foot out in front because that's the way it's "supposed" to be? yeah, that must be written on a palm leaf in India somewhere.

Why can the person who's never done yoga do lotus in their sleep and the next person will never be able to do lotus no matter how much they try even though they've been doing yoga for 20 years?

And how many students reading this post feel inadequate because you can't get into that Yoga Journal cover version of pigeon or shoulderstand no matter how many daily hours of yoga you do?

Get over it because it's all in the bones. it has nothing to do with flexibility. nothing. zilch. not one iota. so forget about it. and that attitude should be extremely liberating and open up your yoga practice to something that is much deeper.

Of course we become more flexible with yoga, but only to the extent to which we are genetically programmed to become. and flexibility has to do with the connective tissue, the fascia of the body, it has nothing to do with muscles. it has nothing to do with doing 50 chatarungas and jump-backs in a session. that's muscular. that's not yin, that's yang movement.

The asanas in yin yoga are done on the floor and are held for a minimum of 3 to 5 minutes because that's the way the fascia of the body must be worked. it is totally different from a yang, moving, vinyasa practice. that is strength building muscular movement -- the power of your muscles does not translate to flexibility. yin movement is about the health of your joints. both are need for a healthy body. yoga is about balance, the yin AND the yang of all things.

For poses such as pigeon, double pigeon (square pose), and cowface pose, the ability to do them comfortably has to do with how your femur connects to your pelvis. are your femurs internally or externally rotated? look at the femur pictures on Paul's site and see how each one is different. combine that with the location of our hip sockets in our pelvis. the sockets might be shallow or deep or more toward the front or back or toward the sides. or higher up on the pelvis or farther down below. combine that socket position with the length and angle of the neck of the femur. I think you get the idea. and now ask yourself: how can there be universal principles of alignment when everyone's bones are different? knowing that, how is that going to change your attitude about adjusting your students?

I am an example of extreme internal rotation. Paul uses me in his workshops in Chicago as an example of uber-Gumbyness. every year he asks me to lie on my abdomen and I bend one knee so that my leg forms a 90 degree angle. he then takes my foot and slowly moves my lower leg down out sideways so that my foot almost touches the floor -- my opposite hip does not or barely comes up off the floor. and every year the entire studio of yoga teachers takes a huge collective gasp as they watch him do that. and then he does the other leg. and then he does both legs at the same time. with sound effects. by that time I'm usually asleep if I'm not laughing so hard at everyone's reactions.

After my hip demo at this last workshop someone yelled out, "wouldn't you like to x-ray her hips?" he said yes so I told him that I'm going to will my pelvis and femurs to him so if I die before him he can still continue to use me in his workshops. I found out later that Paul calls me "Linda Crazy Hips."

In my years of study with Paul, I can line people up, examine how their arms hang, and know who will have an easy or difficult time with chatarunga by looking at the rotation of the insides of their elbows. that rotation will determine hand placement. hand placement will determine whether someone can comfortably hover off the floor or whether they are going to rip a rotator cuff next time they come down. I can tell how comfortably someone will be able to do shoulderstand if I ask them to drop their chin to their chest or clasp their hands behind them and lift the arms. it's all in the bones, baby.

What I love about Paul is how he kills yoga's sacred cows. iconoclasts are close to my heart since I'm an iconoclast yoga facilitator who loves to tweak cultural myths. he challenges you to think outside the yoga box. he throws out questions to make you think beyond the standard yoga paradigms like: in old traditional yoga books, why is there no mention of the "correct" alignment? one photo above is Paul showing us slides of old yoga books where everyone is doing the same asana differently, usually in the "wrong" way. how many of us teach that the knee should never go past the toes in a lunge? look at old pictures of Krishnamacharya. I've studied at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram three times and I can tell you that I've never heard Sir (i.e., Sri Desikachar, Krishnamacharya's son) use the word "alignment" once.

Paul acknowledges that his teaching is not everyone's cup of chai. we become angry when anyone challenges our long-held beliefs that we thought were so solid. Paul told a story about how during one of his workshops a woman walked out and he could see her outside the room angrily pacing back and forth. he said when she came back at the end of the workshop she told him how much he challenged her beliefs about how yoga "should be." let's just say that Iyengar yoga purists and Paul usually don't see eye to eye. killing sacred cows can be a hard thing to do but someone has to do it.

I'll leave you with a question that Paul asked us. it has to do with the physicality of yoga, with the ability to "advance" in the asanas:

How would it affect your practice if you would never get "better" in yoga? how would that affect you emotionally? once you hit that wall of never getting "better", would you shift your emphasis away from the physical to the energetics of yoga?

He used me as an example again. he said, "Linda has been doing yoga a long time. you've seen how flexible she is. do you really think she does yoga to become more flexible? there has to be something more."

(p.s. if you'd like a yin or yin/yang workshop for your studio, leave a comment with your contact information -- I'd be happy to present!)

selling myself

As per Svasti's suggestion that I should ask people to spread the word about my Yoga Adventure in Africa...I am asking you to spread the word. All of you who are regular readers of this blog and the yoga bloggers on my blogroll, please help spread the word about my yin-yang yoga weekend in Arusha, Tanzania. This yogini of a certain age is bustin' out of Middle America and going global, baby.

Dear Svasti was the first one to help advertise this on her blog and on Twitter.

Yes, I know in this global economy that yoga funds are limited but they say if you're going to dream, dream big, so I'm dreaming big. The fact is that there are always people with disposable income even in crunch times, they just have to find me.

The genesis of this trip is thus: I was asked to teach there. I met Pat at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram in 2005 when we both did the month-long intensive. She said that traveling yoga teachers are few and far between in Arusha so could I come teach to the ex-pat yoga community. We kept in touch but the timing was never right for me. Now it is and all things happen for a reason. Here is what I'm offering:


SCHEDULE:

Friday afternoon: Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation

Saturday morning: Yin + Yang practice + meditation (2.5 hours)

Saturday afternoon: Yin practice + meditation (2 hours)

Saturday evening dharma talk:

Buddha’s Four Foundations of Mindfulness as they apply to your yoga practice

Sunday: same schedule as Saturday


YOGA DESCRIPTION:

We will explore both practices of passive (yin) and active (yang) yoga. Yin yoga consists of long-held poses (3-5 minutes) focusing on the connective tissue of the hips, pelvis, and spine. We will passively stretch the tendons and ligaments in order to unblock and distribute chi (prana) throughout the meridians (nadis), clearing blockages, and helping to balance our organ and meridian systems for our general health. This powerful practice opens your body and enlivens your mind for meditation. A slow flow vinyasa class follows the yin practice visiting the poses that you already love. You will relish the extra space cultivated in the yin poses as you discover a new sense of freedom and grace in yang movement. Recommended for students of all levels with a “beginner’s mind”, and is especially recommended for athletes and all “stiff” yogis! An open mind, rather than an open body, will deepen the experience of this profound and powerful practice.



This is truly a yoga experience of a lifetime because after the yoga weekend there will be two safari options available for you. If a safari is not your thing, book five days at the Blue Oyster Hotel on Zanzibar (and who does not want to say that they chilled out on Zanzibar?) BEFORE the yoga weekend and you'll get a 10% discount off 2010 prices (proof of retreat participation must be shown at check-in.) Complete details and safari prices are available here.

Most importantly, this trip involves seva. $108 of your yoga payment will be donated to the Seva Foundation to help support their eye clinic in Moshi, Tanzania. If you come on this yoga adventure you will literally HELP PEOPLE TO SEE.

It's always been extremely difficult for me to market myself (I need an agent!) When I did my first website it took me 6 months to just write about me. The bottom line is that yoga in the west is big business and I need to get my name out there. Look at any of your favorite big-time yogis and they are not shy about marketing themselves and putting what they offer out there. They also have people who are more than willing to help spread their words.

It's my time after all these years. According to Wikipedia, Arusha is also the Hindi word for the rising sun. There are no coincidences.

So if you want to help a yoga gal out, spread the word. I've already spent $512 on a half-page ad in a local yoga magazine, I need to make back some dough!



(thanks!)

my next yoga career move

It's the beginning of 2009 and I've pretty much decided that I will not teach in yoga studios anymore. Those of you who are regular readers of this blog know why. I should never say never, things can always change, but as of this moment it's a better idea to run my own workshops and classes and not teach for anyone else. My yoga persona is not conducive to teaching in gyms or health clubs. I'm not saying that there aren't good teachers in those venues, but it ain't me, babe. I can't teach to someone who is looking for a "work out" in yoga. I mean, I can, but I don't want to. I can kick your yoga ass and leave you dripping with sweat if that's what you think makes a great yoga class, but I don't want to. It's good to know that because knowing who you are in the yoga world saves you a lot of hassle and heartache. Advice to newbie teachers: don't try to be someone you're not. Teach what you know, not what you THINK you know. It's a gift to know who you are.

With the experiences I've had in the last two years with studio owners, I've paid my dues. I've been teaching for 7 years. I've studied three times at one of the most prestigious yoga schools in the world and I am an ongoing student of three yoga masters. I've been a student of Buddhism for 30+ years. The next logical step for me, as it has been for other long-time teachers I know, is training yoga teachers. Maybe that's not the next step for some of you reading this, but I have moved on from teaching group classes. I have private students and I only teach two group classes where I teach for other entities. I call the shots in the rest of my classes.

Many yoga studios in the Chicago area run their own teacher trainings. I have no idea where all these new teachers are going to teach because there are more teachers than there are students, but yoga studios keep cranking out the yoga teachers. Any yoga studio that wants to make a buck comes up with a teacher training program. Let's be honest -- the yoga bucks aren't in teaching group classes. As I was taught in India, personal transformation for a student only begins in a group class; it is accomplished by working one-on-one with a teacher, in the traditional way. At a yoga conference workshop I heard a show-biz yogini say (and I've learned better than to name names anymore in this blog) that she'd rather teach to the two students who get it than to the 10 who don't. I feel the same way. Her statement was honest and real.

For the last six months I've been going back and forth about doing my own teacher training. Frankly I think my training would be unique because it would include Buddhism. Not one training in my area includes that subject. Nor does any teacher training include yin yoga. I've studied with the two American yin yoga masters for the last 5 years.

But first I have to get it on with the Yoga Alliance. Yee-ha. I'd love to know what the Yoga Alliance does for yoga teachers other than take their money, but this culture being what it is, everyone looks for that seal of approval to study with. Five years ago I registered at the 200 level and I now have enough hours to be an "E-500" level, that is, an "experienced" yoga teacher. I never wanted to play the game of getting a higher registration, the mere thought of filling out their form gave me hives, but now that I'm thinking of training teachers it's almost a requirement, future students look for it.

I emailed the YA and asked whether I could apply for E-500 instead of being a plain ol' 500 hour level yoga teacher. The answer was no, I have to be a 500 hour first, for FOUR YEARS (WTF?!?), before I can apply for E-500. I totaled all my teaching hours since 2004 and according to their own rules, I'm already E-500. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a scam to get more of my money. And for what? The Yoga Alliance does nothing for me. As they say in Texas, that ol' dog won't hunt.

So what's the big deal about being registered with Yoga Alliance in order to train teachers? Unfortunately, for the sole reason that people think Yoga Alliance registration really means something. It's all about marketing, nothing more, nothing less.

The master teacher I trained with 7 years ago was not, at that time, registered with the Yoga Alliance, but he trained with Pattabhi Jois twice and at an Iyengar institute and lived with his guru for almost 10 years. When I trained with him he didn't care about being anointed by the Yoga Alliance. As ridiculous as it was he was not an "approved" school when I registered with YA. But over the years he grandfathered into the Yoga Alliance registration -- only because people think it really means something. My teacher Ramaswami who studied with Krishnamacharya for 30 years has recently become Yoga Alliance registered -- as if someone would not study with him because he wasn't.

One year from now I'll be living in an ashram in India studying yoga therapy under the personal guidance of a a swami, after which I will receive a yoga diploma certified by the Indian government. I really think that trumps anything the Yoga Alliance can give me.

I will look to training yoga teachers in the near future. But not in America. In India. I can do a 200 hour training, 8 hours a day, in 5 weeks. People study astanga in Mysore, Iyengar in Pune, viniyoga in Chennai, and travel to Rishikesh all the time to study yoga in general. British ex-pats run yoga teacher training programs in Goa. Why should I not teach yoga and yoga teachers in my beloved Tamil Nadu, India? I've been told that with my India experience I should do "sacred temple tours." That would be a perfect thing to do after a teacher training -- a temple puja blessing the new teachers.

I must finish some of my own training first because then I will be fully seasoned. A good cook knows when the seasoning is just right and a smart vintner knows when the wine is aged to perfection ready to be uncorked.

My time has come. The events of the last few years have certainly been in tune with what my vedic and western astrologers have said, both have been right on. So I'm putting it out there and I'll go with the flow. Buddhism teaches me to detach from the outcome, not to cling but to let go -- if it happens it happens. I'm giving it up to something that is greater outside myself.

If you want to study with me, tell me your interest. Just because you take a teacher training doesn't mean you must teach. Many yogi practitioners take teacher trainings only for the deeper knowledge. I already teach workshops, so doing a teacher training is merely taking it a step further.

Besides...my teachers in India told us that if we do not teach what we have learned and take it out into the world we are nothing more but thieves.

interview: yin yoga -- part 2

What do people need to know about their connective tissue? What is the relationship between connective tissue and yin yoga?

Usually the only time people think about their connective tissue -- which includes our tendons, ligaments, and fascia that surrounds and intermingles with our muscles -- is when we injure it, like a sprained ankle. However, what people do not realize is that the connective tissue of our bodies is all about our flexibility; our muscles are all about strength. The health of our joints is related to the health of our connective tissue. What will give us a sense of ease and comfort in our old age is not how much weight we can lift, but our flexibility and the health of our joints, like our hips, pelvis, and spine. People do not realize that if our connective tissue is not therapeutically stressed on a daily basis, that is, stretched in slow, long-held floor poses such as what is done in yin yoga, our connective tissue will literally shrink wrap our joints. This should be of great concern to women because the spine is surrounded by about seven layers of connective tissue and when, not if, the connective tissue begins to stiffen due to lack of movement, it can literally crush already thinning vertebra and thereby contribute to that "old lady's hump". It is not so much osteoporosis that causes the rounding of the back, it is the connective tissue of the spine shrink wrapping the vertebra. That is why forward folds with a rounded back and back bends are so important for the health of the spine. Doing paschimottanasana with a more rounded back helps to stretch the spine more, rather than doing it with a flat back.

In yin yoga the connective tissue of the hips, pelvis, and spine is worked slowly in a "yin" way. Other forms of yoga are more muscular and therefore more "yang", that is, moving and rhythmic. The only way connective tissue is stretched is by relaxing the muscles and holding the floor yin poses for three to five minutes minimum. Again, flexibility has nothing to do with our muscles, it has everything to do with our connective tissue.

I believe that the ability to stay still for five minutes at a time has a lot more to do with our minds than our bodies. This is why yin yoga is also mind training, we train ourselves to be still in a world that is rushing out of control, and not that we can control it anyway. If someone values the quality of how they are living each moment, giving themselves time to turn off the movie that constantly plays in their mind and do some yin yoga, then they will begin to find more space in their life.

yin-yang yoga and meditation immersion weekend in Brazil

Join me in Sao Paulo, Brazil at YOGA FLOW STUDIO over Memorial Day weekend. I'm doing the same teaching I did in Arusha, Tanzania. If you'd rather experience yin-yang yoga and mindfulness meditation instead of drinking beer and eating hot dogs over Memorial Day weekend, come on down to Brazil!

YIN-YANG YOGA & MEDITATION WEEKEND
FRIDAY, MAY 28 THROUGH SUNDAY MAY 30, 2010

We will explore both practices of passive (yin) and active (yang) yoga. Yin yoga consists of long-held poses (3-5 minutes) focusing on the connective tissue of the hips, pelvis, and spine. We will passively stretch the tendons and ligaments in order to unblock and distribute chi (prana) throughout the meridians (nadis), clearing blockages, and helping to balance our organ and meridian systems for our general health. This powerful practice opens your body and enlivens your mind for meditation.

A slow flow vinyasa class follows the yin practice visiting the poses that you already love. You will relish the extra space cultivated in the yin poses as you discover a new sense of freedom and grace in yang movement.

Recommended for students of all levels with a “beginner’s mind”, and is especially recommended for athletes and all “stiff” yogis! An open mind, rather than an open body, will deepen the experience of this profound and powerful practice.

SCHEDULE:
FRIDAY, MAY 28:
8pm to 10pm
Yin Practice + Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation

Mindfulness meditation is the most natural method for us to see things as they are. Through sustained attention to the unfolding of each moment we learn to abide in the present rather than becoming lost in our memories, desires, and fears. Mindfulness meditation develops equanimity and insight using the yogic path of the Buddha. The physical practice of yoga encourages a holistic experience of the body, heart, and mind. When we bring mindfulness to our yoga practice, we begin to fully inhabit ourselves, learning to come home to our bodies and minds regardless of what is happening in us or to us.

SATURDAY, MAY 29:
10am to 12:30 pm, Yin + Yang Practice + Mindfulness Meditation
2:30 pm to 5:00 pm, Yin Practice + Mindfulness Meditation
7pm to 9pm, Dharma talk:

"Mindfulness on the Mat: Buddha's Four Foundations of Mindfulness and Your Yoga" --
"Asana is simply another way to practice mindfulness. Buddha taught the Four Foundations of Mindfulness as the basis for establishing mindfulness throughout our daily life. Learn how exploring the Four Foundations of Mindfulness on the body, the feelings, the mind, and the dharma can enrich your yoga experience and cultivate awareness of the union of body-breath-mind."

SUNDAY, MAY 30:
10am to 12:30 pm, Yin + Yang Practice + Mindfulness Meditation


Ayurvedic and massage treatments will also be available.

PRICE FOR STUDENTS OUTSIDE BRAZIL IS $330.00 PAYABLE TO "METTA YOGA."

PRICE OF WEEKEND WILL NOT INCLUDE AIRFARE TO BRAZIL OR THE HOTEL.

your yoga adventure in Africa!

It’s not too early to start planning for your YOGA ADVENTURE IN ARUSHA, TANZANIA, February 26-27-28, 2010!

SCHEDULE:

Friday night: Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation (90 minutes)

Saturday morning: Yin + Yang practice + meditation (2.5 hours)

Saturday late afternoon/evening: Yin practice + meditation (2 hours)

Saturday night dharma talk:

Buddha’s Four Foundations of Mindfulness as they apply to your yoga practice

Sunday: same schedule as Saturday


YOGA DESCRIPTION:

We will explore both practices of passive (yin) and active (yang) yoga. Yin yoga consists of long-held poses (3-5 minutes) focusing on the connective tissue of the hips, pelvis, and spine. We will passively stretch the tendons and ligaments in order to unblock and distribute chi (prana) throughout the meridians (nadis), clearing blockages, and helping to balance our organ and meridian systems for our general health. This powerful practice opens your body and enlivens your mind for meditation. A slow flow vinyasa class follows the yin practice visiting the poses that you already love. You will relish the extra space cultivated in the yin poses as you discover a new sense of freedom and grace in yang movement. Recommended for students of all levels with a “beginner’s mind”, and is especially recommended for athletes and all “stiff” yogis! An open mind, rather than an open body, will deepen the experience of this profound and powerful practice.

COST: $1,108.00 (USD)


$108 from every participant will be donated to the SEVA FOUNDATION in Berkeley, California to help support the Kilimanjaro Center for Community Ophthalmology in Moshi, Tanzania. Please read about Improving Eye Care in Africa. The Seva Foundation will make a hospital tour available on Monday for all interested participants.

The yoga camp will be set up by Mike Peterson of Dorobo Safaris. Dorobo Safaris are considered by many to be the best ecotourism outfit in the safari circuit. Your yoga adventure will take place at Dorobo’s campsite on their land and they will provide tents, shower and toilet facilities and all meals, tea/coffee, beer and wine in the evening. Yoga will be conducted in an open sided shelter in a beautiful Acacia forest. Massage and reiki sessions will also be available at extra cost. Your $1,108.00 covers food, lodging, yoga teaching, and donation to Seva Foundation. Participants will arrive in Arusha and transfer to the Olasiti Camp on Thursday, February 25, 2010. Camp will break the morning of March 1 when two safari options will be available for you on March 2.

Go to Metta Yoga: Mind-Body Education to see complete details about the safari options available and prices, my yoga bio, and testimonials.

Prices listed DO NOT include airfare to Tanzania, Africa.

THIS EVENT IS LIMITED TO 15 PARTICIPANTS

This is a once in a lifetime yoga experience! Don't miss it!


Can I get the help of my blogger friends to pass this information along to all interested yoga peeps?


Yoga + meditation + buddhadharma + seva: what more could anyone want?

slipping over the edge

What is it about "restorative yoga" that gets me so agitated?

I wrote here about my experience with restorative yoga at my Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training at Spirit Rock. I definitely was not the only person who had a strong reaction (aversion) to the practice and I believe it was because of what we were doing -- sitting for many hours every day -- that made a restorative yoga practice inappropriate for our situation.

I know that there are many people who love this style of yoga and I also understand how it is very beneficial for some and in certain situations, recovering from an illness for example. Some people think yin yoga is a "restorative" practice but I believe that is a huge misunderstanding. I can easily stay in supta virasana for 15 minutes in a yin class with no agitation whatsoever -- my mind is as still as a placid pond. Yin yoga is not restorative yoga, different concepts are involved.

But once you add three blankets, two bolsters, a strap, two blocks, and shoulderstand on a chair, I start grinding my teeth. There is something about fiddling around with all those props that puts me over the edge.

I went to a class this morning that is taught in the style of Rod Stryker. The teacher announced "because of the time change and the full moon" (huh? I don't even pay attention to the moon phases) "this will be a restorative class." I almost walked out, but out of respect for the teacher, I did not. I'm not dissing the teacher -- she's an excellent teacher and I've known her a long time...it was the yoga. And my reaction to it.

I was on edge throughout the entire class. Nothing restorative about it. Fold the blanket, buckle the strap, adjust the bolster, hang over a chair. Faggedaboutit. Shoulderstand in a chair made me very nauseous and I normally stay in shoulderstand for a minimum of 5 minutes. The only part I liked was savasana because I was done messing around with all those damn props.

I'm a vipassana person who is very accustomed to watching whatever comes up, all physical and emotional sensations. I don't run from them. So I keenly observed what came up during class: "agitation is like this. examine it. where is it? it's temporary, let it go, things will always change." I have to admit that the class was good mind training.

My yoga behind closed doors is like this:





I play some cool music and start moving, flowing, feeling. Maybe I drop into yin asanas, maybe not. For me, there is stillness in motion and I treat the asanas as mere shapes and forms that are constantly changing and evolving.

So I think maybe that because I'm a meditator, because I treat my movement as a meditation, that I'm already there. That I don't need to force myself to slow down for 90 minutes in a restorative class as some people do because...I'm already there.

My other thought is maybe just like there are certain pranayama techniques that affect each dosha differently (I was told at KYM that I should not do much kapalabhati), maybe restorative yoga affects some people adversely. Why not? Even good medicine can kill you if not taken in the correct way.

Or maybe it's just because I'm a rebel yoga grrl who doesn't like being told to fold that, tie the strap here, put that bolster there, now rest -- even if it is not appropriate for your physical, mental, and energetic bodies to rest at that particular time. It offends my free spirit and it stifles me.

I'm going now. I have to meditatively move.

the retreat, part 2: Yoga Dawg goes legit!

I have finally found some time to write a a bit about my second 10 day retreat for my Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation training at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. You can read about the first retreat in October, 2007 here.

We had the same teachers from last year except for Stephen Cope from Kripalu. I missed him because I love his style. In his place was Chip Hartranft who wrote The Yoga-Sutra of Patanjali: A New Translation with Commentary which is the version of the Sutras we are using for this training. In his book Chip skillfully shows how the buddha-dharma can not be separated from Patanjali's yoga philosophy.

My interview with a yoga teacher was with Chip and I loved his style as much as I loved Stephen Cope's. Chip is sweet and down-to-earth and the real deal in my opinion. We were both sorry that our 15 minute talk seemed to end so quickly. I look forward to seeing him next year as he will be one of the teachers leading asana practice, along with Jill Satterfield.

The guest yoga teachers for this retreat were my teacher, Sarah Powers, and Judith Lasater. It was good to see Sarah as she is my teacher for yin yoga together with Paul Grilley when they come to Chicago. We did a yin and yang practice with Sarah and restorative yoga with Judith Lasater. I will say that after spending two days with Judith and her style of yoga, I wanted to leave the retreat -- more on Judith's classes in my next post.

Anne Cushman, who wrote Enlightenment for Idiots (see my sidebar), is one of the coordinators of this training and she led us in classes and also gave a talk on yoga. Although it was a mostly silent retreat, I thanked her for sending me her book and she told me she was going to quote YogaDawg in her talk -- so that's how YogaDawg became legit, his book quoted at a yoga and meditation training. I was amused when I saw students furiously writing down his words about yoga students, and I wondered whether they realized it's yoga satire....after all, Lindia is YogaDawg's evil yogini sister, bwa-ha-ha-ha-ha (that was supposed to be an evil laugh.)

Anne opened her discussion by posing the question: how does asana practice help mindfulness practice? she said because everything -- meditation, pranayama, Patanjali's and the Buddha's words -- are used in the service of waking up. she said that yoga was never supposed to be for anything other than awakening and seeing the world clearly as it is. that is enlightenment.

in the retreat asana practice cultivates a deeper exploration of our emotions, mind states, and body and breath. we use our asana practice to explore our relief from suffering, to bring us ease, and to explore the Four Noble Truths in relationship to our practice and therefore our life. yoga is life -- Krishnamacharya knew this when he said "breath is central to yoga because it is central to life and yoga is about life." practice is life and our life is the practice. yoga has the toolbox to bring us blissful states but the problem comes when we think that's the only thing yoga can do, i.e., when we use yoga as a quick fix. what do we do when there is no quick fix? what are the larger principles we can bring to our asana practice?

Anne named four things:

1. bring the quality of metta (loving-kindness) or self-compassion to your practice. she said that sometimes metta was more important than mindfulness because we are judgmental about our practice. we forget that we are already complete and as yogins we have too much internal criticism about our practice. when we practice self-compassion our mindfulness will flourish naturally.

2. remember to use asana practice AS IT IS; know the difference between goal and intention. be present and develop a new relationship with WHAT IS. be willing to be present in your practice and transformation will occur. use your asana practice as a counterpose to the culture at large where we are pressured to constantly and continually become "better" because it is never good enough to be just as we are.

3. don't use your asana practice as a way to support your conditioning -- use it to counterbalance and transform your conditioning. Anne gave the example of Type A personalities always doing the same type of practice which supports their conditioning instead of transforming them into a less agitated Type B. if you live your life in constant agitation, don't do a practice that will agitate you even more. be flexible with your practice, not dogmatic. As Jack Kornfield writes in A Path With Heart, mental flexibility is one of the marks of spiritual maturity. embrace the yin along with the yang.

4. most importantly, use your asana practice as a means to get in touch with impermanence. our bodies are changing every day even though we act like they aren't. all of us will die yet we live as if we won't. use your asana practice to recognize the changes in your body while at the same time celebrating it and appreciating it.

Anne reminded us that our asana practice is a constant dance between form and formlessness. as yogins we devote ourselves to the study of form and to being healthy, but at the same time we must realize that the forms we turn our bodies into are impermanent, one asana flows into another, as do the seasons of our lives. embrace the two truths of form and formlessness at the same time and always remember that it's just a pose.

This second retreat was a mixed bag for me, good, bad, and indifferent, yet I experienced some epiphanies. I used to tell my students that a wise-ass Buddhist once said, life sucks, but suffering is optional. I now realize that life is suffering, pain is optional -- big difference, think about it.

During a meditation practice on forgiveness, I finally forgave the alcoholic yoga studio owner, I no longer feel the rage. actually, the forgiveness was ultimately for me, not her. I forgave her for myself, to relieve MY pain over being betrayed. self-compassion is a wonderful thing.

the entire trip was a lesson on impermanence. before the retreat I spent five days with a friend exploring the Big Sur area. as it turned out, we cheated death by a few days because when we left, Big Sur went up in flames. the restaurant and the store that we went to and the Tassjara area, all were engulfed in wildfires that are still being fought.

reflections on 2010 and ruminations on the future

My oh my, what a blessed year 2010 was...no apologies, no regrets, and always moving on.

I started out in South India at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram, flew to Kolkata where Kali Ma knocked me down, traveled to Bhubaneswar to meet the 64 Yoginis, and then spent 9 days at the Maha Kumbh Mela in Hardiwar where I jumped into the Ganges on Mahashivratri and met a swami of the highest order.

After India I flew to Africa and spent a night in Nairobi, Kenya after crisscrossing the Persian Gulf to spend hours in Qatar AND Dubai due to flight problems, flew to Zanzibar to spend five days on the beach, then flew to Arusha, Tanzania where I introduced yin yoga to 20 or so Arusha yogins and the two zebras that waltzed into the retreat on Saturday morning. Yoga teaching doesn't get any better than that.

After the retreat I went to the bottom of Ngorongoro Crater and as I watched a herd of wildebeast and zebra, hearing only my breath and the wind and their grunts, I experienced such a visceral feeling of oneness with all things that it rendered any words I had ever read about that primal recognition almost meaningless.

Of course one does not have to travel thousands of miles for that realization -- I feel the same way sitting in my garden and watching the butterflies and honeybees. Or upon opening an acorn and seeing an oak forest in miniature and feeling that time has stopped -- Tzimtzum which means Divine Contraction. It is the belief that if God is infinite, He would have to draw in and make a void into which creation can come, whether it's in my yard or the bottom of a prehistoric crater in Africa.

I don't know why but this year brought a closing in rather than expansion, but not a closing in in a negative way. My yoga practice definitely changed after my trip. I gave up all my classes except my private ones and I was amazed at how content I became because of it.

What was foretold to me had come to pass: I died in India when I jumped into the Ganges and was reborn at the bottom of that crater.

And all that was just the beginning of my year.

The words that describe my yoga teaching this year are "less is more" and "quality over quantity." I no longer teach at studios and have no desire to ever teach regularly at studios again except for the occasional workshop. The students who come to my house are sincere and dedicated and are hungry for more and more meditation. We've developed quite the sangha yet they know I must go to India to refuel. "You will always be my teacher," one student told me on our last night before my upcoming trip.

The women at the domestic violence shelter where I teach have inspired me to take a special training in teaching yoga to trauma survivors. Those battered women who are also my teachers have also inspired me to embark on a new journey into graduate school and a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology. One night after teaching I had another epiphany after speaking with a woman, again so visceral that I saw my life's path laid out before me - there will be no turning back.

The year has shown me how asana is such a small part of the practice. It's only the appetizer to the feast. Yoga blogs where the only thing written about is mastering this pose or that pose are incredibly boring to me. Yoga has become a cult of the body in America. I think, what are they going to write about when they can no longer do that sick arm balance or inversion, what will they have left? Get real.

The yoga blogosphere in 2010 burned up with the heated discussion about Tara Stiles and her book and the "who owns yoga?" debate.

Although I also jumped into the debate I became bored with those discussions, too. The turning point came when a post was published in a yoga-ish online journal that seemingly pitted me against Tara Stiles, my yoga vs. her yoga. While the writer thought it was complimentary, I felt blindsided and betrayed. The writer did not feel it necessary to ask my permission or even to ask my opinion before he wrote about me.

Needless to say the writer felt Kali's wrath and the post was pulled, but the incident left an extremely bad and bitter taste in my mouth that made me rethink my time in the yoga blogosphere. The best thing that came out of the situation was the support shown me by certain yoga bloggers, one especially, who also felt the writer's actions were unconscionable.

The question of what is "real yoga" also arose in different venues. I have always said that this is my real yoga and one of my students also used the phrase. I will say again that I really don't care what your yoga is, I know what mine is, but one thing that I am convinced of is that if something isn't changing for you off the mat or off the cushion (and how many yoga practitioners also have a dedicated meditation practice?), then it's not yoga.

And no apologies to those who hate the phrase "real yoga." I'm tired of that judgment, too. It's almost a reverse snobbism. Anyone who criticized or questioned the yoga status quo was called a "hater" or "judgmental" in the yoga blogosphere. Many discussions served to separate rather than gather the online yoga community. I grew tired and it drained me and further convinced me to stay away from yoga blogs.

Yes, I am sensitive about the topic of "real yoga." Over the five years of writing this blog I've caught flak about being so outspoken and that has made me misunderstood at best and unpopular at worst. I've been described as being passionate in my defense of yoga in the face of commercialism, exploitation, and misunderstanding. If the body cult of modern Americanized yoga is right, then I'd rather be wrong.

I'm not everyone's cup of chai and I've always been an outsider, and frankly, because of decisions I've made, I've never been happier with teaching. Quality over quantity. I don't want to teach a dozen classes a week to those who do not see yoga as a wisdom teaching on self-transformation, as something beyond the cult of the body. There are other teachers who do that but I'm not one of them and that's just fine. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. That's my yoga and yours is yours.

So as I plan my fifth trip to India (I'm leaving in two days), I wonder what 2011 and beyond might hold. What can top the Maha Kumbh Mela and Ngorongoro Crater? My gut tells me that this will be last trip for a few years as I work on a masters degree. I was told that this will be my last trip as a student, that when I return I will bring India something instead. We shall see.

Maybe I am drawn to India because she has her own strong personality, just like me. She shows you incredible aspects of yourself while at the same time showing you impossible suffering. Nothing is hidden, suffering and death are on the street every day. You have to face it and if you go to India for spiritual bliss, you will be challenged beyond your imagination. If you accept the challenge, if you don't run in fear, your life is changed forever.

Sounds like yoga.