yoga and the evolutionary process

No, not yoga and evolution. Yoga and YOUR evolution. Change.

I've been thinking a lot about what my student said in class the other night, about what she thinks "real yoga" is.

It was her belief that mainstream yoga caters to this culture rather than trying to change this culture.

To this student "real yoga" is about change on the micro- and macro- level. Or as I've heard Desikachar say, anything else is acrobatics.

I know the phrase "real yoga" upsets some people. People don't like to hear that phrase used, considering it judgmental or arrogant. They say that all yoga is good yoga and so what if someone does a 60 minute yoga DVD to get a slim, sexy body. And contrary to popular beliefs about this Krazy Old Yogini, I agree to a point: so what. The way yoga is advertised is a separate and entirely different issue.

Because as a wise reader told me recently, reality means that not everyone sings like Cecilia Bartoli or plays violin like Jascha Heifetz. So why can't we accept that there is talent involved in yoga and meditative arts also? The democratization of everything (democratization being another word for mainstream) makes us think everyone should benefit equally from martial arts, yoga, or tea ceremony, but that simply is not true.

Many say that the more esoteric benefits of yoga will eventually come to those who practice for purely physical reasons. I've never believed that because that assumes that everyone is on the same path, running at the same pace, equally. That's not true in a marathon and that's not true on the yogic path. There is also a little thing called karma.

There are plenty of people in yoga classes who practice for purely physical reasons and become stronger and more flexible, but they are still unhappy and depressed or full of fear. Some will be that way the rest of their lives, in varying degrees; others, not. There are those who will run from teacher to teacher, from one 'ism to another, and still die with their most intense fear buried deep within their hearts. There are others who have suffered horribly in their lives, studying with one teacher or even none, but through their internal work will fly on wings of joy on their dying day.

Life. Change. Stages of evolution. Karma.

The reader who wrote to me believes that it is only natural that some will not connect with the esoteric levels of yoga and will remain happy with a basic understanding of yoga, the basic level being purely physical. A lucky few on the yoga path will know enlightenment. Most will be stuck somewhere in between. This has to do with talent, but also with what the Chinese call yuanfen.

So even a basic understanding of yoga and attaining purely physical benefits are better than none at all, but I have my own standards of what constitutes "real yoga." And just as there is nothing wrong with someone doing yoga for purely physical benefits, there is nothing wrong with my standards either.

As I've come to believe over the years, students get the teachers they need at the time, teachers get the students they deserve at the time. Think about it.

One of my standards is that yoga is about physical and emotional healing. Another standard is that yoga is about accelerating our personal evolution. I've told my students many times that if something isn't changing for you off the mat, then it's not yoga. If your path is only the length and width of your yoga mat, that's not much of a path. That's my standard. And someone can choose to accept that or not because frankly, in the end, I don't care. It's your own personal evolution. Or should I say revolution?

In his book A Life Worth Breathing Max Strom writes:

"Hatha yoga is a profound evolutionary system that will benefit everyone who has the passion to change his or her troubled existence into an extraordinary life. It has changed my life forever, and every day I see it transform more and more people into happier, healthier, and more empowered beings....

Imagine two people practicing side by side. One is still and struggling in a posture, barely able to open his hips, but he is not letting it bother him. Instead, he feels calm in this difficult moment, centered in deep breathing.

Then there is the second person next to him, able to wrap his legs around his neck, but breathing erratically, thinking negative thoughts. Whose practice is better? Flexibility is not the aim; it is a side effect....

If you find joy and you are living a meaningful life, then you are becoming good at yoga....

Remember, the goal is not to tie ourselves in knots -- we're already tied in knots. The aim is to untie the knots in our heart. The aim is to unite with the intimate, loving, and peaceful power of the universe and fully awaken into the highest level of human consciousness."

(Max Strom, pp. 122-125)

A spiritual adept once told me that it is not my job as a yoga teacher to change people. They have to change themselves.

I can only give you a road map -- you have to drive the car yourself.

just an old-fashioned girl

Last night in class I only had two students. Believe it or not, this no longer bothers me -- I show up and I teach. Despite how "mainstream" yoga people love to believe yoga is nowadays -- and I would really like someone to explain to me what mainstream is -- the number of students in class is diminishing. I'm not the only teacher in my area who finds this to be true.

So since it was a loosey-goosey class, we yakked for the first 30 minutes, me and my two students about the State of Yoga in America. I will add that this was totally unsolicited by me, these two gals just wanted to let loose. Of course this is not a scholarly study by any means, merely anecdotal, but interesting just the same.

One woman told me that she was glad she found my class -- this woman is older like me, I would say in her 50s. She told me she was glad she found a "real yoga" class -- her words, not mine, unsolicited. By "real yoga" she meant not "power yoga" (her words) as is taught in her gym where she takes Pilates. My class is the first yoga class she has ever taken (because her chiropractor recommended it), so she had nothing to compare it to. In spite of knowing nothing about yoga other than it was supposed to help calm her down, she somehow knew she wanted to take a "real yoga" class.

She was dismayed at the lack of commitment from the drop-in students. She asked why students feel that a yoga class is supposed to be convenient for them, instead of making it a priority like anything else in their lives. She asked me why students feel they don't have to support a yoga class, that they can just show up whenever they want to. We recalled the couple who came once and said that they "maybe" do yoga once a month. Uh...why bother? Was it a night they were bored and wanted to spice up their evening with my class? OK, I'm kidding.

I shrugged. I have no answers anymore to questions about yoga in OMerika. But I smiled and thanked her for calling my class "real yoga" and thanked her for her commitment to herself.

The second woman, younger, 30s maybe, was also dismayed at the lack of students in my class. She had been coming to this venue for yoga for a long time and told me the class used to have about 20-30 students in it. I was asked to take over this class to try to build it back up -- I had heard that the class had too many subs and people had stopped coming.

The younger woman told me -- again, unsolicited and her words, not mine -- that I was old-fashioned. I smiled and she laughed. She told me, "I think your class is the way yoga originally was before it became mainstream. You know...real yoga." Ahhhh....there are those words again.

I asked her what she thinks "mainstream yoga" is. I said to please explain it to me because I'm stuck in my little ol' boring box of asana-pranayama-meditation, so I am out of touch.

She said this: that the more mainstream yoga becomes, i.e., yoga taught all over the place, the more people will lose sight of what yoga really is. She said that yoga right now is trendy and popular, it's merely "the thing to do", just another fitness trend.

It was her belief that mainstream yoga has been dumbed down (her words) to cater to this culture rather than trying to change this fast-paced culture.

I will let that sink in because it is a very powerful statement.

She believes that people are so used to moving fast in their daily lives, that that is the type of yoga people want instead of yoga to slow them down, to go inward. She told me that to her, that's not "real yoga." She said, "if I wanted that, I'd go to an aerobics class."

I smiled. I told her thanks for saying I'm old-fashioned, but I prefer the term "old school." "Now let's do some old-school yoga," I said, as I started the vinaya krama class.

Out of the mouths of students.

I found the exchange interesting. According to my student then, "mainstream" merely means "popular." But is popular always a good thing? This student also believes that with the popularity of yoga nowadays, the sheer number of yoga classes being offered outside of yoga studios (her emphasis) actually devalues yoga and cheapens the real message of yoga, which is personal transformation. This student lives in a suburb that is far from my class. She told me that there is plenty of yoga around her house but it is the "fast food yoga", as she calls it, and will have none of it.

"Fast food yoga." I like that description. Sure you can survive on a diet of fast food, but how healthy is it for you in the long run?

Do you want fries with that?

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month

I am a survivor.

That is why my seva is at my local domestic violence shelter for almost 10 years now. It is my favorite class to teach because my students are also my teachers. Someone you know is a survivor of domestic violence, sexual assault, or both.

Consider these facts --

Domestic Violence:

Half of all married women in the United States are physically abused at some time in their marriage.

One in 10 teenagers will be involved in a violent dating relationship before graduating from high school.

A woman is beaten every 10 seconds.

Domestic violence is the most under-reported crime in the US.

Domestic violence cuts across all socioeconomic backgrounds, regardless of race, religion, or level of education.

Battering often occurs during pregnancy.

10 women a day die at the hands of their husbands or partners.

Every five years the number of women in the US who die at the hands of their partners is equal to the number of males who died in the Viet Nam War.

Abused women comprise 20% of all women presenting injuries at hospital emergency rooms.

Sexual Assault:

Every 5 minutes a woman is raped.

One-third of all rapes occur in a woman’s home.

Rape itself is a violent act, but 85% of all rapes are accompanied by more violence or the threat of violence.

Only 7% of sexually assaulted women report rape. This makes the actual number of rapes in the US as high as 2 million a year.

One in three girls and one in five boys will be sexually assaulted or abused before age 18.

In a Cornell University questionnaire, 92% of the respondents listed sexual harassment as a serious problem. 70% had personally experienced some form of harassment.

American women are 8 times more likely to be raped than European women and 26 times more likely than Japanese women.

One third of the sexual assault program clients at the shelter where I teach are children between the ages of 3-13; 50% of these clients are boys between the ages of 3-10.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Instead of wearing a purple ribbon, find a DV shelter in your community and do you seva. Walk your yoga talk for these women and you will be repaid 10 times over. Last night one of the women brought her little boy and he got on my mat and started teaching with me. Priceless.

Karma yoga = yoga love.

Karma yoga = peace.

May all beings have happiness and the causes of happiness.
May all beings be free from suffering and the causes of suffering.

a question of semantics?

Carol Horton's post on Tara Stiles' book still has legs so I thought I would add my two rupees here as a post.

I'm a jazz freak and usually listen to what is considered "real jazz" (as a Sirius XM satellite radio station is entitled) as opposed to "lite jazz" (as a former Chicago radio station billed itself.) Although I learned the piano as a child, I am not a jazz musician so I don't know what technically makes jazz "real jazz" or "lite jazz" -- all I know is that they each sound very different to my ears. However, I also have a "lite jazz" station programmed in my car radio. They advertise themselves as "contemporary jazz."

The other day when I was driving I thought how appropo for yoga nowadays. If a teacher teaches an asana-only class -- i.e,. no pranayama, no meditation, no chanting, no proper instructions on bandhas, no mention of chakras, no discussion on texts or philosophy -- call the class "contemporary yoga" and call it a day.  Don't bother with any name branding, calling it vinyasa, or anything else.  Just "contemporary yoga."

Or if it's an asana-only class, why call it yoga at all? Physical therapists use movements derived from yoga all the time but they don't call it "yoga." It's physical therapy and everybody knows that is what it is. Nothing else.

Just like Frank Jude said in his comment to Carol's post, I have also taught in places other than yoga studios. I started out at my local park district in a gym. But even nine years ago when supposedly there were a lot less people doing yoga, I never felt the need to water down yoga.  Something brought people to my classes other than "slim sexy yoga" or "yoga for abs" when the number of asana-only "yoga" books did not exist as they do now. What brought them, what were they looking for?

I've also been told that more people are being brought to yoga now because of books like Tara Stiles', allegedly a book for beginning students.  If that is the case (i.e., more people doing yoga), then why did I have 40 students in a class nine years ago (when supposedly there was less awareness about yoga) and am lucky now to have 10 in a public class? I'm not the only teacher in my area who has experienced this.

Something in this modern yoga equation does not compute.

As Frank Jude said, "It's so EASY to teach mindfulness, compassionate action, non-judgmental awareness, radical acceptance [my note: what is usually seen in "real yoga" classes] without using any yoga jargon, overt 'spiritual' terms or expressions."

Indeed it is.  So why the sea of change with the new generation of American yoga teachers?

good news Friday -- yoga scholarships!

meditation hall, Spirit Rock

Many of you know that I was in the first Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training at Spirit Rock Meditation Center in Woodacre, California. The 18 month program ran from 2007 to 2009. It consisted of three 10 day retreats held for the most part in silence.  There are readings, homework, and telephone conferences in between the retreats.  There is a core group of yoga and Buddhadharma teachers such as Anne Cushman, Phillip Moffit, Mark Coleman, Anna Douglas, Janice Gates, and Chip Hartranft. There were different guest teachers at each retreat such as Judith Lasater, Tias Little, Stephen Cope, and Sarah Powers, among others.

It was the first training that spoke to my entire being as a yoga practitioner and Buddhist.  My only regret was that Jack Kornfield was not a larger part of the program because I love his books and teachings. I can sit and listen to him for hours.

Now there is fabulous news!  From Spirit Rock's website:

"Two yoga teachers will get full tuition scholarship to 18-month MYMT Program

Yoga teachers working with disadvantaged or under-served populations—for example, in prisons, homeless shelters, hospitals, or inner city schools—offer life-changing skills to their at-risk students. But they often struggle with stress, burnout and financial challenges. Now, through a new scholarship program at Spirit Rock funded by a grant from the Yoga Dana Foundation (YDF), two such teachers will have the opportunity to nourish their own yoga and meditation practice—and bring the benefits of mindfulness training back to the communities they serve."

The above link gives all the information you need on the application process.  The scholarships will provide full tuition and room and board for the 18-month Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training beginning in January 2011.  I can't tell you what an awesome opportunity this is to attend a training at one of the premier dharma centers in North America.  I was honored and blessed to have taken part in the inaugural program.  And the food is fantastic!

The teaching population to whom these scholarships are geared toward is one after my own heart.  My work with domestic violence survivors is pure joy.  They are my teachers and they have inspired me to pursue a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology.

Sometimes the path rises up to meet you and after my yoga therapy training in India next year, I want to somehow combine all my yoga/yoga therapy training with the degree so as to truly bring yoga to the people.

Don't miss out on this wonderful opportunity, but you need to apply by October 25.

Good luck!

seva is sexy

"Yoga is about GIVING. Not taking. That’s how I get my calm and my sexy. I don’t need no special book and unrealistic promises to deliver that."

Those words are from Svasti's great blog "Body image issues, yoga & Tara Stiles is a sell-out" that was in response to Stiles' atrocious ad for her new book (I am loathe to give it any more publicity.) The amazing and heart-felt comments from readers on my blog about it make me think that a yoga revolution is in the air. At least I hope so.

What I found so appalling in Stiles' ad was the language: "banish belly fat, FAST"; "a YOGA-SLIM body in just 15 MINUTES A DAY!"; "size 8 to a size double 00!"; "combat bra fat with one easy move." This one was the kicker: "Reshape your body. Learn a fabulous new way to balance WIDER-THAN-DESIRED HIPS."

Uh, Tara, don't you think a little thing called BONE STRUCTURE might have something to do with that? How is feeding into women's insecurities about their hips in any way "yogic"? How about preaching acceptance about those "wider than desired" hips instead of trying to change something that is impossible to change because of BONE STRUCTURE?

I am still reeling from the possibility of bra fat. With homeless children on the street, genocide, floods in Pakistan, and starving people all over the world, now I have to worry about my back fat. Holy Shiva, what's a grrl to do?

The ad has nothing to do with yoga and has everything to do with what is wrong with with, well, everything that is wrong in this culture. Everything has to work fast -- "15 minutes" -- and if it doesn't we move on to the next best thing because our brains are no longer wired to stay with anything longer. We have the attention spans of flies, just look at some children.

I remember what Jon Kabat-Zinn wrote in Coming to Our Senses: Healing Ourselves and the World Through Mindfulness. He said that ADD and ADHD are not the problems of children where the only solution is to medicate them with potentially harmful drugs; he believes that ADD and ADHD are signs of a dysfunctional family unit. In other words, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE-STYLE.

And that is what weight loss is all about. It's not about "210 proven yoga moves" you can do in 15 minutes. I should know because I used to weigh about 200 pounds in the late 1970s. It was a life-style change. And because I used to weigh that much is why I can comment on bullshit ads that promise the impossible.

Personally I think that every dime Tara Stiles makes off the book should be donated to a place that helps young women with eating disorders.

"You may not be able to change the world, but at least you can embarrass the guilty." -- Jessica Mitford

How does a "yoga" book that promises results in just 15 minutes a day speak to the fact that yoga is a life-long process of transformation, 24/7? A process where the results are seen in months and years and not minutes. You operate on faith because there are no guarantees.

As I said in my previous blog, I am so over the excuse of how all these so-called "yoga" books or DVDs are just about "bringing yoga to the people, it's all good, so don't be a hater." If you want to bring yoga to the people then teach in a prison or a homeless or domestic violence shelter year after year, don't write a book about how to get rid of your bra fat. Now I am back to my post title.

Like Svasti, I get my calm and sexy from seva which is karma yoga in a domestic violence shelter. It's true the women ask me about losing their belly fat from their pregnancies -- there is nothing wrong with wanting to look good and feeling healthy and sexy. But I can assure you that they care more about ridding themselves of emotional demons and nightmares. The classes are pure joy and joy is big-time sexy. I'll be getting a double dose of sexy because after about 10 years I've been asked to teach twice a month.

Every class is wonderful but last week was more so than usual. I did not teach a traditional yoga class but used movement in general as a stress reliever -- we jumped and gyrated and shook those wider than desired hips. I had them do Lion's Breath which they really got into after I told them how lionesses hunt and feed and defend their children while the lion sleeps all day. They could identify with that....and you've never heard louder roars.

I tell them that they are my teachers, these poor Hispanic women who own no yoga mats, no Lululemon pants, and come to my class after standing all day at factory jobs. Many of them do not have the luxury of even 15 minutes a day for themselves. My 90 minute class once a month may be the only time they have for themselves. Do you really think they care about bra fat?

After our movement I did yoga nidra with them. Some started crying afterward because of the effect it had on them. One woman was there for the first time and after class she was speechless for more than a few moments because the effect was so profound. When she could speak she asked the group leader if she could talk with me any time she felt bad. The yoga had created trust. The group leader translated and I had to tell her that while I understand Spanish, I am no longer fluent in speaking it so I could not answer her, but if she would like a private yoga therapy session with the group leader translating, I would be happy to do it for free.

Then I felt the shift. Sometimes psychic shifts are so potent that you feel them physically and suddenly everything falls into place. The verification that what I have done for almost 10 years is my true path. It was a physical confirmation. No more second guessing.

My path is no longer teaching in studios, it is about truly bringing yoga and meditation to the people. I have plans in the back of my brain and all things happen when they are ready to happen. My yoga therapy training in India next year will be the icing on the cake and my decision to pursue a masters in transpersonal psychology never felt so right. It's all going to meld together and it will take longer than 15 minutes.

Damn, I'm sexy.

things white people do

one interpretation of Kali

Given all the recent uproar about yoga advertising, I want to ask this question again:

why is American yoga such a white thing?

This post is from 2007 and three years later I am still asking the same question.

The Color of Yoga

I am white (but have been told "you're not all that white"), so why does this question bother me so much? Maybe because I grew up on the south side of Chicago? Maybe because I lived with Tejanos on the Texas/Mexico border? Maybe because my ex-husband is Mexican?

Don't know. But the way yoga is advertised bothers me, maybe because it seems so exclusive -- despite all the peace-love-dove New Age rhetoric -- when it should be inclusive of older, rounder, darker.

The ads in Yoga Journal for Kripalu are the only ones that are realistic because they have all colors, all shapes, and all ages.

You bet I am tired of the skinny, young, white women in yoga advertising AS IF that is the only type who does yoga in America. Brooks Hall is on fire with her post about....another ad using a skinny, young, white woman. How original Corporate America.

"slimmer calmer healthier" -- notice which word is first in the ad.

As someone who taught yoga in a community college to young women with eating disorders, these people just DON'T GET IT.

"The ways of materialistic culture as seen in this advertisement seem to be trying to cleanse yoga of its Indian-ness, as if the strangeness of it is a form of pollution."

Yeah, let's just make everything white bread because that's what we are really comfortable with since yoga is a white thang anyway. Scroll down to read the Minority Yoga Report: http://www.yogacitynyc.com/yoga_week.php#259

I could go on, but what's the point?

I teach to Hispanic women at a domestic violence shelter and they connect to yoga and meditation more so than many people I've taught at yoga studios. I can count on one hand the number of people of color I have taught in 9 years of teaching.

With the latest discussion about Yoga Journal, the mass-marketing of yoga, all the blah blah about how wonderful it is that yoga is reaching the masses, that more and more people are exposed to yoga, how yoga is so "mainstream" (and I do not believe it is)....where is the increase of people of color taking yoga classes?

Or have our white sensibilities forgotten them in all the rhetoric about how absolutely fabulous it is that so many more white people are taking yoga now?

the best writing about yoga in a long time

I've been writing this blog since 2005 and I've come across many yoga blogs over the years -- some great, some not so much, some to which I am indifferent, i.e., those I read once and never return. We all have our tastes and I know that this blog is too snarky for some, maybe not foo-foo-peace-love-dove enough about yoga for others, and that's fine. I've been criticized for not sugar-coating my words, for not being "yogic" enough, for being too bold and brash, and frankly, for being too me. That's fine because I know that neither my yoga (not hard enough) nor I (not gentle enough) are everyone's cup of chai in the blogosphere or in real life. At my age, ask me if I care.

But today I found The Magazine of Yoga and I am hooked.  Maybe some of you know it already, but I can't stop reading the articles.  I especially loved this post about teaching: Tired, Uninspired, and Teaching Yoga. Some pithy remarks from the post:

"In teacher’s everyone life there are times the problem is more intractable or more existential, sometimes both at the same time.

My personal prejudice about this is that if you are serious at all about teaching, it’s going to happen to you. I have never had a bad teacher ask me what do about boredom, exhaustion, or doubt....

....If we are ever going to develop the emotional maturity to rise to our full potential as human beings we’re going to have to go through feeling abandoned, mistaken, dubious, and afraid."

Holy Shiva, did that sentence resonate with me...the times I have felt abandoned and mistaken on this path are more than I care to count. I have felt so alien in my local yoga world you can call me ET. So reading these last two lines...

"'Get up and go out in the world,' she [Eve Ensler] said, 'and do what you came here to do.'

Because there’s more to the practice than asana, there’s life."

...recharged me.

As did a new private student today...because there’s more to the practice than asana, there’s real life, yoga warts and all.

feeding my soul

Over the weekend I went to a talk on yoga psychology by Uma Krishnamurthy. She is a psychiatrist, a yogi, and an accomplished Bharatanatyam dancer. One of my favorite things that she said was not about yoga but about dance: if you are angry, dance. To help dissolve your ego, direct your anger to God, and dance. Then you will forget what you are angry about.

Uma quoted from the Gita, the Vedas, and the Yoga Sutras, from Ramakrishna and Aurobindo and Krishnamurthi. Her lecture on how yoga and the ancient teachings teach us about the true purpose of yoga which is personal transformation was so inspiring to me, yet I left her talk feeling a bit depressed.

Her talk made me feel as if I were in India again listening to my teachers at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram. Yet, I left depressed because I feel sometimes that I am the lone voice in the wilderness where I live insofar as getting the personal transformation message out there. I left with the feeling that I don't belong here, that my ideas on yoga are too "out there." The feeling that I don't belong here is so overwhelming at times that it tears at my heart and soul. But that feeling also makes me grateful for my private students who come to my house because they are so dedicated to change and to their practice.

One of my former private students, a business entrepreneur, once told me that it's hell being a pioneer, that it's much easier being a follower because the pioneer is the one who gets the arrows shot up her ass. Take that advice for what it's worth. I will write more later about Uma Krishnamurthy's lecture.

I told my husband when I got home that the truth that is held in the ancient teachings that Uma spoke about was the reason I travel to India -- it nourishes me like no other place does and I can't explain it. This post comes the closest to an explanation.

I think I will put on some music and dance.

feel good friday

It's been a long time since I've been able to listen to Macy Gray. Up until very recently her music reminded me of an extremely painful time I went through a few years ago, an incident that manifested PTSD. So I look at my posting of her new video as a small victory. And I liked the title.

I taught my favorite class last night, my karma yoga at a domestic violence shelter. Despite what y'all read here about yoga economics, who signs up for workshops, yoga studio owners, whatever, it's not all about that. I love the ladies there because they are my teachers AND they understand intuitively the true purpose of yoga and meditation. They are grateful and beautiful and amazing and we empower each other.




And...my gardens rock!



This photo is from last year. I added new prayer flags in the gardens and seeing them outside my kitchen window every morning makes me smile intensely and immensely. It's going to be hot and steamy today and I'll still be out there digging in the dirt because life is too short.

As for everything else....what I say, what I write, my life, my path, I can only be true to myself. This blog is a combination of the sacred and the profane just like I am. If that makes someone uncomfortable, oh well. Go read Eat Pray Love instead.

From a non-conformist business newsletter I get:

"...if what you're doing is truly innovative, not everyone will understand in the beginning, and maybe you should just go for it. Lately I've been thinking about what Henry Ford said: 'If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said ''faster horses.''"

From a student:

"While not everyone is ready for you, those that are will garner great experiences and make important adjustments in their life because of you and your impact."

Yeah, I need these reminders.

Beauty in the world, yo.

a high level of confusement

The warehouse manager at my husband's company once told The Hubs that he (the manager) had a high level of confusement. ;) :)

I'm throwing the question out there: as a yoga student, do you get confused when you experience a style of yoga you are not familiar with? Or do you just go with flow and if it resonates with you that's fine, and if not, that's fine too?

The reason I ask is that a yoga studio owner gave me that reason as to why he did not feel comfortable with me doing a workshop. He thought his students would get "confused."

HUH?

As a teacher getting my name out there in my area, I send a lot of emails to studios asking if they would like to offer one of my workshops. It's a simple, standard email introduction of myself, giving them my website link, stating what I can offer, giving them a link to news articles about me, things like that. It's a standard business introduction. A yoga teacher friend told me that when she took a "business of yoga" workshop, the presenter said that you have to get your name in front of people at least 7 times before they connect with you. Sometimes yoga studio owners tell me "let's do it!", but for the most part I never hear from them. Not even a "thanks, but no thanks" response. As my husband the Big Shot Corporate Guy has told me, a lot of small business owners have really crappy personal business skills. They may know what they're doing in their business, but as for people skills, forget it.

This week I heard from one local studio owner who said that he would feel more comfortable if I spent time at his studio getting to know his style and "methods" so that I could "get an understanding of where the students are coming from." Then he said, "I don't mind if students seek out other styles on there own, but if I'm going to offer it to them [workshops], I feel it is my responsibility to offer programing that keeps into alignment [sic] with the other offerings so as to not confuse the students."

HUH?

Now I have a high level of confusement.

The website states that the studio is an "intimate studio that creates a safe environment for exploration into the yogic arts." OK, sounds good to me, which is why I emailed the owner. I happen to know that the owner is heavily Iyengar influenced because a long time ago one of my former students also practiced with this teacher. The studio is not specifically an Iyengar yoga studio and the classes are advertised as simply being yoga classes, not Iyengar yoga classes.

I was amused by the owner's email. I must say that this was the first time anyone ever told me that I should spend time at their studio getting to know their style and methods. From the class descriptions on the website, I don't understand how the owner would think that what I do is so wildly different from his offerings. Obviously I am not going to send my workshop proposals to name-branded studios that only offer Bikram or Anusara yoga or to strict Iyengar yoga studios!

In my response to him I said (tongue in cheek) that I think I know a little bit about classical yoga and therapeutic yoga since I study at Desikachar's school every year. I said that I am certainly familiar with Iyengar yoga and while it is not a style I have studied in depth, I've attended many Iyengar yoga classes over the years. My own teacher in Chicago studied at an Iyengar Institute and also with Pattabhi Jois. If he had taken the time to read my website (and from his response my gut tells me that he did not -- or maybe he did and he was confused!), he would have seen that I've been around the yoga block more than a few times.

I told him that to me, yoga is yoga, and it all comes from the same source which in this modern yoga era is Sri Krishnamacharya. I said that this was the first time I had heard a studio owner say that students might get "confused" if they experience a style of yoga that is different from what they are used to doing. Wouldn't taking my workshop be their choice anyway? If they are curious they will take it, if not, they will pass on it.

I asked him to explain why he thought his students would be confused because I was honestly perplexed by his statement.

In any event, I said that the testimonials from my students speak for themselves on my website, so if he would like to offer his students the gift of another style of yoga that may further them along their path, to contact me in the future.

I will let you know his response.

If it's not too confusing.

where's the money?

YogaDork blogged that Lulu-NO THICK GIRLS ALLOWED-lemon had their best ever financial quarter. The company "plans to open 30 new showrooms and up to 15 new stores this year" Lulu-NO FAT BOTTOM GIRLS HERE-lemon said that "net revenues for the quarter ended May 2 were $138.3 million..." and "ended the quarter with $173.6 million in cash and cash equivalents compared with $59.3 million at the end of the first quarter of fiscal 2009."

That's a lot of clothes. That's some serious coin.

Yoga Journal has always told us that there are millions of yoga practitioners in the United States spending millions of dollars on yoga paraphernalia, teacher trainings, you name it. Speaking only about teacher trainings, we all know that they can start around $2,000 (that's an inexpensive one) and go well beyond $10,000. Sarah Powers started the Insight Yoga Institute and while the training sounds absolutely wonderful, it costs approximately $15,000.00 to complete.

Sarah, along with other teachers, also started the philanthropic Metta Journeys which travels to Rwanda and benefits Women for Women International. The Rwanda trip costs $5,745 with a $1,000 donation to Women for Women International. The cost does not include airfare and depending on where you live in the United States it could cost you $2,000 to fly to Africa.

Of course we have all seen the ads in yoga magazines for all types of yoga retreats taught by people you've never heard of and you can google "yoga retreats" and find literally hundreds all over the world. My teacher in Chicago is offering a yoga vacation in Italy costing $1,340-$1,880; a 10 day yoga vacation to Peru costing $3,140-$3,950; and his 19th yoga vacation in Mexico for $1,700-$2,800.00. None of his trips include airfare and as far as I know, he has never had to cancel a trip due to a lack of students.

(And yes I know I have just given everyone free advertising; would that I get the same from someone for my yoga endeavors.)

My question is: where's the money?

In other words, who is going on all these trips to all these places for yoga?

The reason I ask is that I have an opportunity to teach in Bali for 10 days, two classes a day. If only 6 people came I would get my lodging and airfare paid for. If 7+ people came I would get paid a certain amount per person. It's a legitimate offer from a reputable person and it sounds totally sweet, doesn't it?

So why am I not foaming at the mouth with delight?

Because the last time I taught overseas not one person from the United States signed up for what I offered.

You may remember my Africa trip, my yin-yang yoga weekend with a seva component:

"The cost of the retreat was $1,108.00 and I was taking $108 from each westerner for the Seva Foundation. It was hoped that the founders of the clinic, Dr. Paul Courtright and Dr. Susan Lewallen, would be able to give us a tour of the facility. I thought it was a win-win situation for everyone involved...yoga + meditation + buddhadharma + seva under the African sky.

But no one signed up.

At least no one from the West. I sent my announcement to over 100 people around the United States, advertised it on Facebook and Twitter, and put an ad in a Chicagoland yoga magazine that has a circulation of over 20,000. The Seva Foundation put an announcement on their website's home page. But not one person showed any interest in spite of the charitable component of the retreat."

That's why I am not jumping for joy at this latest offer for me to teach overseas. My Africa weekend was not that expensive relatively speaking because it included everything: yoga plus lodging and food and I told people where to get discounted flights to Tanzania.

The Bali retreat organizer has a client database of over 1,000 people but I hesitate to spend any money on advertising (i.e., another $500 ad in the local yoga magazine) because frankly, what happened last time (or should I say did not happen) felt like a kick in the teeth (and this is the first time I'm saying it out loud.) I advertised to literally over 20,000 people via print ad, my business newsletter, and of course social networking, but zilch. I can understand no one wanting to fly to Africa. What I don't get is not one person expressing one iota of interest.

I believe that even in a bad economy there are people with disposable income. They're spending it on $100 yoga pants. Obviously. Just ask Lulu.

I understand how someone with children can't take off for 10 days, but I also know people (including teachers) who can't commit to a weekend of yoga in their own backyard. For the most part, people who do yoga (and this includes teachers) tell me that any type of yoga trip is too expensive for them even in the United States. "It's the economy," stupid.

Maybe the lack of response to my thing was because I live in the Midwest, not the trendiest part of the country even if it is Chicago. Maybe it's because I don't do the fancy arm balances or kick someone's yoga butt and that's what people want. Maybe I really don't have anything to offer.

So I ask again: where all the yoga peeps with money that I keep hearing about? Who is going on all these retreats?

Someone is because I see photos of lots of smiling faces at Kripalu or Omega or Esalen or Land of the Medicine Buddha or (fill in the blank.) I don't see a dearth of people here.

Where's the yoga money?

sh*t a crazy old yogini says

You've heard about the twitter and Facebook phenom "Sh*t My Dad Says" (which I love by the way)?

Then welcome to the newest feature of this blog: Sh*t a Crazy Old Yogini Says.


"Practice itself is the vehicle of enlightenment. There are those rare among us who instantly become self-realized, but for the rest, it takes work.

I've heard the Dalai Lama say that westerners think too much, we are always lost in thought. A daily diet of words stirs up the mind, which in and of itself is not necessarily bad. But there is the risk that students will practice with their brains instead of their guts and thereby become enmeshed in the dharma instead of liberated by it."


I like Susie Essman playing me in the TV pilot.

oldie but a goodie

Decided to republish this when a reader told me that she felt "liberated" after reading it.

Killing Yoga's Sacred Cows

show up and shut up

The yoga/Hindu wars started in the articles by Deepak Chopra and Aseem Shuklah that YogaDork posted here and here. I think the comments are longer than the articles themselves.

Now the fracas has spilled over to here and here over at elephantjournal even getting into the Aryan Invasion of India theory which is a whole 'nother kettle of fish. Yawn.

I'm here to bring it back.

I'm here to keep it real.

Like Brenda told me on my birthday, "keep kickin' it and staying real..." So this one's for you, Brenda.

This is the only yoga I care about: paz yoga. And I've been keeping it real for these women for a long time.

I can assure you that these women don't care about the Gita, the Vedas, the Upanishads, whether a yogi is a Hindu or vice versa.

They could not care less about how Lululemon pants help your camel toe (some show up to my class wearing jeans) and they've never heard of any of your favorite show biz yoga rock stars. Ana who? John who? Shiva who?

And they certainly don't care about any celeb-yogis. But they love it when I tell them to move their hips like Shakira.

Show up on your mat, shut up, and do your practice.

You do your yoga and I'll do mine.

the ups and downs of teaching and why common sense ain't too common

"Repeated frustrations and disappointments, Sama, are always a reflection of repeated misunderstandings and presumptions. Oh, darn." - The Universe


Some of the most frequent search phrases for this blog are about "teaching yoga" or "how much does a yoga teacher make" or "I want to teach yoga." I've written before about the trials and tribulations about teaching for yoga studio owners, so this is another taste of what real life yoga teaching is all about. Gather 'round, children.

Besides teaching privately, I also teach at two community colleges and rent a room at a massage therapy business. I will be gone for two months next year so I needed to get subs for my classes. The two colleges are covered and the persons in charge of my classes are very thankful that I did not leave them in the lurch; both wished me well and told me they would welcome me back, no problem. In fact one woman told me that I was the best yoga teacher they could ever have....sigh (hug.)

Some of you may recall my misadventure with a young studio owner which prompted me to find the room that I rent. I started teaching in this space in January and the dedicated yin students followed me there from the studio.

As a renter I am under no delusion that I will be there forever. You rent at the whim of the landlord. It seemed like a great fit since the owner does massage, reiki, has meditation classes, etc.

When I started using his space the first thing I did was invite him to my class on Sunday mornings to experience what yin yoga is all about and to learn more about me. I thought he would be all into it considering he is a massage therapist and teaches meditation classes (in other words, he talks the talk.) He never did.

I told him that I study yoga therapy at one of the leading yoga schools in the world, so I encouraged him to suggest yoga therapy to his clients. I encouraged him to promote the fact that he had a highly trained yoga teacher working out of his space and it could be a win-win situation for both of us. The situation that I describe can really be the best of both worlds for a yoga teacher and a holistic practice if there is communication and give and take between the parties. During the year I also suggested different workshops but he never showed any interest. I am the only yoga in this small town, which will soon have no yoga. A big fish in a little pond with lots of room for growth. Unfortunately, as much as I would like to have my own meditation center that offers yoga (instead of the other way around), I can not afford to rent a space large enough to do this.

I said that I would be gone for two months and asked whether it would be OK to continue the classes (my students were already worried about what would happen to the classes) with my friend subbing. After all, it's not my place, so I teach there at his whim. I asked three times about it and I never received a response. I finally received this email:

"When Metta-Yoga started at the Center, I was thinking about it more from the perspective that it would be of benefit to some of the Center clients. So far, it doesn't seem like there has been very many that have taken up on the opportunity. The additional exposure would have been nice too, but as far as I can tell, there have only been one or two students who have sought sessions. Also, I need to start teaching classes on Saturday and Sunday days which would end up conflicting with the class room use on Sunday. From a philosophical perspective, I am slightly more comfortable referring clients to a style of Yoga such as Svaroopa as it is more spinal and joint opening then core strengthening. I think a restorative / repairative style would be more attractive to some of my older, chronically impaired clients who have spinal & joint issues. Therefore, I am thinking that at the end of the year we should end the use of the space for the classes you are teaching."

Now let me break down this email for you, kids....

1. Other than being mentioned on the center's website, to my knowledge my sessions were never advertised to their database, so how would his clients know what I offer and take advantage of it? I always asked whether my new sessions would be announced and I never received any response. In fact, I used to teach two classes and had to drop one because of lack of attendance. I also could not depend on coverage in the local paper -- the editor told me my press release could always be superseded by an announcement for let's say...a hog calling contest. ahem.

2. As for needing to use the room, I understand that, it's his space.

3. My students did not utilize his services, which is too bad, but I could not help that.

4. But as for the part in bold....HUH?!?

Like I said, even after more than a few invitations the owner never came to my class (which he could have taken for free!) or ever asked me what I teach or how I teach, so he had no basis for making that statement. Yin yoga is "core strengthening"? Whaaaat?

As for Svaroopa yoga, I started becoming suspicious when I saw cards for a Svaroopa yoga teacher next to my cards on the front desk. Hmmmmmm, I thought, what's that all about? I know nothing about that style of yoga, only that it uses chairs and lots of props and is considered restorative. But my point is: the owner never made any attempt to learn what I do or what I can offer.

"Spinal and joint opening"? This was my response to that:

"I do not teach a style of yoga that is "core strengthening." I invited you a number of times to come experience yin yoga, but you never did.

All yoga is "spinal and joint opening" just as all yoga is therapeutic if applied in the right manner. In fact, the style of yin yoga is not only practiced by senior citizens with limited mobility, but is also used in addiction and trauma recovery programs. The concept of "yin" means that it is "still" as opposed to "yang" or moving."

Common sense tells me that if I, a holistic practitioner, was renting space to a yoga teacher with my training in yoga, yoga therapy, meditation, and energy work, that I would want to take advantage of that and work with that person to grow both our businesses. He would have been the only alternative therapy business for miles around to offer yoga therapy. As my friend who was going to sub for me told me, his loss. But common sense ain't too common anymore. What was I thinking?!?

Don't kid yourselves. As much as we yoga teachers like to think that yoga has gone mainstream, that people will be rushing to yoga therapy, or that other holistic practitioners will knock down your doors begging for your services...think again.

So let this be a lesson for you, children, on the ups and down of yoga teaching. But am I upset? Actually I'm not. For some reason that I have yet to figure out, I am relieved. Sure it was a nice chunk of change every 6-8 weeks, but the energy was off. When I offer my services to someone and say let's work together, and I am not respected and worse, underestimated, it's time to get the hell out.

This yoga business journey has shown me time and time again to do my own thing and don't count on (and never completely trust) anyone but me. The words of my astrologer keep ringing in my ears: find my own tribe.

slipping over the edge

What is it about "restorative yoga" that gets me so agitated?

I wrote here about my experience with restorative yoga at my Mindfulness Yoga and Meditation Training at Spirit Rock. I definitely was not the only person who had a strong reaction (aversion) to the practice and I believe it was because of what we were doing -- sitting for many hours every day -- that made a restorative yoga practice inappropriate for our situation.

I know that there are many people who love this style of yoga and I also understand how it is very beneficial for some and in certain situations, recovering from an illness for example. Some people think yin yoga is a "restorative" practice but I believe that is a huge misunderstanding. I can easily stay in supta virasana for 15 minutes in a yin class with no agitation whatsoever -- my mind is as still as a placid pond. Yin yoga is not restorative yoga, different concepts are involved.

But once you add three blankets, two bolsters, a strap, two blocks, and shoulderstand on a chair, I start grinding my teeth. There is something about fiddling around with all those props that puts me over the edge.

I went to a class this morning that is taught in the style of Rod Stryker. The teacher announced "because of the time change and the full moon" (huh? I don't even pay attention to the moon phases) "this will be a restorative class." I almost walked out, but out of respect for the teacher, I did not. I'm not dissing the teacher -- she's an excellent teacher and I've known her a long time...it was the yoga. And my reaction to it.

I was on edge throughout the entire class. Nothing restorative about it. Fold the blanket, buckle the strap, adjust the bolster, hang over a chair. Faggedaboutit. Shoulderstand in a chair made me very nauseous and I normally stay in shoulderstand for a minimum of 5 minutes. The only part I liked was savasana because I was done messing around with all those damn props.

I'm a vipassana person who is very accustomed to watching whatever comes up, all physical and emotional sensations. I don't run from them. So I keenly observed what came up during class: "agitation is like this. examine it. where is it? it's temporary, let it go, things will always change." I have to admit that the class was good mind training.

My yoga behind closed doors is like this:





I play some cool music and start moving, flowing, feeling. Maybe I drop into yin asanas, maybe not. For me, there is stillness in motion and I treat the asanas as mere shapes and forms that are constantly changing and evolving.

So I think maybe that because I'm a meditator, because I treat my movement as a meditation, that I'm already there. That I don't need to force myself to slow down for 90 minutes in a restorative class as some people do because...I'm already there.

My other thought is maybe just like there are certain pranayama techniques that affect each dosha differently (I was told at KYM that I should not do much kapalabhati), maybe restorative yoga affects some people adversely. Why not? Even good medicine can kill you if not taken in the correct way.

Or maybe it's just because I'm a rebel yoga grrl who doesn't like being told to fold that, tie the strap here, put that bolster there, now rest -- even if it is not appropriate for your physical, mental, and energetic bodies to rest at that particular time. It offends my free spirit and it stifles me.

I'm going now. I have to meditatively move.

just when you think you've had enough....

...someone says something nice.

The longer I teach, the more I read about the corporatization of American yoga, the more I was thinking that I should quit teaching group classes and just concentrate on my own practice (which is very free-form but that's another post), find my own yoga tribe and disappear somewhere...

then someone tells me how I changed their life.

I was going to drive into Chicago this morning to take a class at the studio where I trained. I live 45 miles straight west of Chicago and on a good day it might take me 75 minutes in the morning -- a bad day would be 2 hours. It was 7:30 am and I was leaving for a 10 AM class. So I get into my car, leave the garage, turn on the radio, and heard about how bad traffic was all over Chicagoland this morning. The traffic announcer said that three lanes were down on the expressway I take and it was a parking lot. I pulled back into my garage.

Since I was dressed for yoga I decided to go to another studio to a friend's class, she teaches "Tantra Yoga" in the style of Rod Stryker. I got there and set up and a woman came over and said "Hi, Linda. How are you?" I don't get to this studio on a regular basis so I don't know the students and I was surprised someone knew my name. I said hi, fine thanks, how are you?, and she said, "I remember your class. It changed me."

Now my brain is working overtime...OK....she looks a little familiar....where....how....huh?

I said, "I'm sorry I don't remember you...where did you take my class?" She mentioned the studio where I used to teach, two years ago. She told me that I taught my yin-yang yoga class (actually a workshop) and that I did a chakra meditation afterward.

She said that she had barely done yoga before walking into my workshop. She said that the chakra meditation had "blown" her apart. I can't even remember what I did because I never, ever remember what I do from class to class -- I channel yoga. Seriously. She motioned from her crown to her root and said "everything opened up. I was like, 'wow'." Her eyes glowed from the memory and she gave me a big smile.

I thought, but did not tell her, that I did nothing, she did it all. I merely gave her a road map.

I stood there, stunned. Many of you think I am Ms. Yoga Snark, but I'm here to tell you, I have self-esteem issues as a yoga teacher. Even though I study at one of the most prestigious yoga schools in the world, I still think I am not good enough. I think that I am nowhere near worthy enough to teach globally next year, that I do not deserve the opportunities that are coming my way.

When she finished her story I told her how grateful I was to hear her compliments. She said, "it was because of you and your class that I decided to do teacher training" (which she is currently doing.) I stood there amazed. One class and a woman whom I never saw again. Until today.

Never underestimate the power of yoga. And I will never underestimate myself again.

There was a reason I did not make it into Chicago this morning. I needed to be reminded that I am worthy.

I've got a secret -- and it's not deodorant

Amazingly I received the link to this video from a friend in India who saw it in the Washington Post -- "The Dirty Little Secrets of Yoga Teachers." Or, the light in me honors the stink in you.





I don't know which is worse: the smelly butts or the creepy dude yoga teacher. "Savasana massages"? I don't want anyone touching me in savasana! Let me guess...he only massages the young and the skinny.

I am my shadow self

Scott from Scott's Thott's posted this Seane Corn video and I wondered what your thoughts were about it.

A long time ago I did a workshop with Corn where she said almost exactly the same thing. When she mentioned the junkies and the whores I looked around the room and saw more than a few eyebrows go up and eyes go down. While the asana practice was good, I loved what she had to say even more.

Corn says that the teachers she is most attracted to are the most human, the realists who are honest about their history and path. In my last workshop with Sarah Powers she said the same thing: that her favorite teachers are the ones whose "humaness" shines through. I agree.

Last weekend I became 55, a fit, fabulous, "woman of a certain age." While I have my aches and pains I don't allow my body or my thoughts to define me -- I am not this body, I am not my thoughts. And on my birthday I realized: I should be dead. There was a time when I and others thought I would not live to see 21. I tried to kill myself when I was 16. Ask me if I care who knows that.

And now I'm planning my 4th trip to India. I've come a long way, baby.

I teach at a domestic violence shelter and the ladies told me that they appreciate me so much more because I've been where they are now, that I am not a "white suburban do-gooder" (their words) trying to tell them how to be.

I question how some show biz yogis can teach me because I wonder if they've been where I've been -- abuse, rape, addiction, and domestic violence. I usually do not trust the om namah shivaya types with the ethereal smiles and the wispy, breathy voices. I am a survivor, so what can they teach me? I'd rather get down and dirty.

I loved Scott's comment:

"A friend and I joke about the "Om Shanti" and "Namaste" crowd. These people who say Yoga is all about love and light, peace and happiness are deluding themselves. It's so pretentious - just say hello, how are you, have a good day... whatever. I would no more say Namaste to someone (outside north India) than I would say bonjour or auf wiedersehen.

If Yoga isn't pushing you outside your comfort zone, it ain't really Yoga. Leave the frills off for me, mama, and gimme an extra dose of darkness."

"If Yoga isn't pushing you outside your comfort zone, it ain't really Yoga."

Why do you yoga? Not "do yoga" because yoga is about undoing, not doing. Yoga does us. I've always thought that the reason more people don't yoga is because stepping into yoga takes courage and many of us (most?) are afraid to see what might come up, we're afraid of our shadow selves. It's so much easier to push that shit down and resist our truths.

Roll around with your demons and become uncomfortable until it hurts. Set yourself on fire because that fire will either kill you or transform you.