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Showing posts with label yoga teaching. Show all posts
Showing posts with label yoga teaching. Show all posts

16 May 2011

it bears repeating

late July gardens, 2010

Last week on my birthday I listened to Mark Whitwell's talk on the new website Yoga Teacher Telesummit. I have to admit that I did not finish listening to his talk because my birthday arrived with gorgeous weather and I was compelled to practice my other yoga -- gardening. A beautiful day is wasted sitting in front of the computer even if it is spent listening to Mark. You can read my other posts about Mark here.

However, I did write some notes as I listened and what Mark talked about bears repeating: yoga is about the breath first and foremost, as Krishnamacharya taught.

Mark believes that "yoga [in America] has painted itself into a corner by a few obsessed people." He said that exaggerated postures done by people of certain body types is not what yoga is about -- yoga is about connection, our connection with the intimacy of Life.

Mark feels that the source scholar of yoga, Krishnamacharya, has been forgotten and it is "time to put scholarship into what has been popularized"; i.e., put the principles of Krishnamacharya back into what has become popular. When this is done "yoga then becomes efficient, powerful, and safe."  It becomes the "direct tantra of intimacy", the nurturing reality of what yoga really is.

Mark said that five things must be remembered in order to accomplish this:

1. Body movement is for the breath, not the other way around -- body movement IS breath movement. Breath starts and ends every movement.

2. Inhalation is receptivity from above -- the receptive aspect of life; exhalation is from below -- the abs in and up, the chest secondary, strength receiving.

3. Ha-tha Yoga is the union of opposites in your own system: sun/moon, male/female, strength that is receiving, softness supported by strength, yin/yang, shiva/shakti.

4. Asana creates bandha and bandha serves the breath. Bandha is the "intelligent cooperation of muscle groups" in our system. They are in polarity of above to below, inhale/exhale, strength to receptivity

5. Asana allows for pranayama and when you do pranayama in the way that is right for you then meditation arises naturally, this is what Krishnamacharya taught.  Meditation then comes as a siddhi, it is a seamless process. Understanding that Krishnamacharya referred to the combination of asana and pranayama as sadhana -- (sadhana being "that which you can do", that is, the asana that is right for you as Krishnamacharya taught) mediation will arise as a result of YOUR sadhana.

Mark said that sleep arises naturally and spontaneously, you can not force yourself to sleep, it just happens. In the same way you can not force yourself to meditate, meditation arises spontaneously after your sadhana of asana + pranayama.

As much as I adore Mark, I canceled my teacher training with him at Omega in August.  It would have cost me over $1000 and that is the price of a plane ticket to India.  I have a chance to study yoga therapy with AG Mohan, another one of Krishnamacharya's long-time students.  

Sorry, Mark, but I will see you somewhere in 2012.  Ma India is calling me home. Again.

27 December 2010

reflections on 2010 and ruminations on the future



My oh my, what a blessed year 2010 was...no apologies, no regrets, and always moving on.

I started out in South India at the Krishnamacharya Yoga Mandiram, flew to Kolkata where Kali Ma knocked me down, traveled to Bhubaneswar to meet the 64 Yoginis, and then spent 9 days at the Maha Kumbh Mela in Hardiwar where I jumped into the Ganges on Mahashivratri and met a swami of the highest order.

After India I flew to Africa and spent a night in Nairobi, Kenya after crisscrossing the Persian Gulf to spend hours in Qatar AND Dubai due to flight problems, flew to Zanzibar to spend five days on the beach, then flew to Arusha, Tanzania where I introduced yin yoga to 20 or so Arusha yogins and the two zebras that waltzed into the retreat on Saturday morning. Yoga teaching doesn't get any better than that.

After the retreat I went to the bottom of Ngorongoro Crater and as I watched a herd of wildebeast and zebra, hearing only my breath and the wind and their grunts, I experienced such a visceral feeling of oneness with all things that it rendered any words I had ever read about that primal recognition almost meaningless.

Of course one does not have to travel thousands of miles for that realization -- I feel the same way sitting in my garden and watching the butterflies and honeybees. Or upon opening an acorn and seeing an oak forest in miniature and feeling that time has stopped -- Tzimtzum which means Divine Contraction. It is the belief that if God is infinite, He would have to draw in and make a void into which creation can come, whether it's in my yard or the bottom of a prehistoric crater in Africa.

I don't know why but this year brought a closing in rather than expansion, but not a closing in in a negative way. My yoga practice definitely changed after my trip. I gave up all my classes except my private ones and I was amazed at how content I became because of it.

What was foretold to me had come to pass: I died in India when I jumped into the Ganges and was reborn at the bottom of that crater.

And all that was just the beginning of my year.

The words that describe my yoga teaching this year are "less is more" and "quality over quantity." I no longer teach at studios and have no desire to ever teach regularly at studios again except for the occasional workshop. The students who come to my house are sincere and dedicated and are hungry for more and more meditation. We've developed quite the sangha yet they know I must go to India to refuel. "You will always be my teacher," one student told me on our last night before my upcoming trip.

The women at the domestic violence shelter where I teach have inspired me to take a special training in teaching yoga to trauma survivors. Those battered women who are also my teachers have also inspired me to embark on a new journey into graduate school and a Masters in Transpersonal Psychology. One night after teaching I had another epiphany after speaking with a woman, again so visceral that I saw my life's path laid out before me - there will be no turning back.

The year has shown me how asana is such a small part of the practice. It's only the appetizer to the feast. Yoga blogs where the only thing written about is mastering this pose or that pose are incredibly boring to me. Yoga has become a cult of the body in America. I think, what are they going to write about when they can no longer do that sick arm balance or inversion, what will they have left? Get real.

The yoga blogosphere in 2010 burned up with the heated discussion about Tara Stiles and her book and the "who owns yoga?" debate.

Although I also jumped into the debate I became bored with those discussions, too. The turning point came when a post was published in a yoga-ish online journal that seemingly pitted me against Tara Stiles, my yoga vs. her yoga. While the writer thought it was complimentary, I felt blindsided and betrayed. The writer did not feel it necessary to ask my permission or even to ask my opinion before he wrote about me.

Needless to say the writer felt Kali's wrath and the post was pulled, but the incident left an extremely bad and bitter taste in my mouth that made me rethink my time in the yoga blogosphere. The best thing that came out of the situation was the support shown me by certain yoga bloggers, one especially, who also felt the writer's actions were unconscionable.

The question of what is "real yoga" also arose in different venues. I have always said that this is my real yoga and one of my students also used the phrase. I will say again that I really don't care what your yoga is, I know what mine is, but one thing that I am convinced of is that if something isn't changing for you off the mat or off the cushion (and how many yoga practitioners also have a dedicated meditation practice?), then it's not yoga.

And no apologies to those who hate the phrase "real yoga." I'm tired of that judgment, too. It's almost a reverse snobbism. Anyone who criticized or questioned the yoga status quo was called a "hater" or "judgmental" in the yoga blogosphere. Many discussions served to separate rather than gather the online yoga community. I grew tired and it drained me and further convinced me to stay away from yoga blogs.

Yes, I am sensitive about the topic of "real yoga." Over the five years of writing this blog I've caught flak about being so outspoken and that has made me misunderstood at best and unpopular at worst. I've been described as being passionate in my defense of yoga in the face of commercialism, exploitation, and misunderstanding. If the body cult of modern Americanized yoga is right, then I'd rather be wrong.

I'm not everyone's cup of chai and I've always been an outsider, and frankly, because of decisions I've made, I've never been happier with teaching. Quality over quantity. I don't want to teach a dozen classes a week to those who do not see yoga as a wisdom teaching on self-transformation, as something beyond the cult of the body. There are other teachers who do that but I'm not one of them and that's just fine. It's neither good nor bad, it just is. That's my yoga and yours is yours.

So as I plan my fifth trip to India (I'm leaving in two days), I wonder what 2011 and beyond might hold. What can top the Maha Kumbh Mela and Ngorongoro Crater? My gut tells me that this will be last trip for a few years as I work on a masters degree. I was told that this will be my last trip as a student, that when I return I will bring India something instead. We shall see.

Maybe I am drawn to India because she has her own strong personality, just like me. She shows you incredible aspects of yourself while at the same time showing you impossible suffering. Nothing is hidden, suffering and death are on the street every day. You have to face it and if you go to India for spiritual bliss, you will be challenged beyond your imagination. If you accept the challenge, if you don't run in fear, your life is changed forever.

Sounds like yoga.


18 August 2010

irony rules


Ahimsa aside, if you do not see the irony in this you need one tight slap and told to snap out of it.

A yoga teacher friend sent me this basically asking "what the what?!?" This was in an email she received from Yoga Journal Online.

"Find personal yoga teachers expensive?"

Say what? Uh, thanks, Yoga Journal (and yes, I know it's not Yoga Journal specifically but the advertiser), but does it really benefit all the yoga teachers out there for your advertiser to put the idea into peoples' heads that private teachers are too expensive?

HELLO!! I'm trying to GET more private students, not drive them away! Thanks for nothing.

"Private yoga lessons directly from India"

Hmmmm....let's see. I call Dell and get to talk to someone in Mumbai. Same with American Express.

Now we're outsourcing yoga classes to India!

Forget the gym, forget the yoga studio, forget the private teacher. I will get on my computer and gosh darn it all to hell I can get a real authentic Indian to teach me some yoga.

Woo-hoo! No more stinky studio mats and gross toenails on the floor! No more people coming in late and leaving early! No more cell phones ringing in class! I'm just gonna order me up some yoga in the privacy of my bedroom! YAY! Who needs to interact with teachers face to face, I can shut it down and get a pizza in the middle of the class...now THAT'S a slice of yoga heaven!

And to think I made four trips to India and paid all that money to KYM.....what an idiot!

Click the ad and it will take you to Divine Wellness where you can sign up for a free private yoga lesson so knock yourself out:


"Private Yoga Lesson is conducted online using web camera. You get the same experience as a teacher guiding you step-by-step and continuously modifying the program as per your readiness. Only the teacher is across the internet. Even better, our qualified and experienced teachers are in India, the land of origin of Yoga."


I like the "even better" part because yes, the most "qualified and experienced teachers are in India." The next best thing is teachers who train in India and that's me. So call me! I need more private clients. Will yoga for food, rates negotiable.

Go ahead. Get your free lesson and let me know how much they charge. Then I will tell you how much private yoga classes REALLY are in India. I'm rolling my eyes now.

If I had a webcam I would get that free trial and report back, but, hell...I don't even own an IPod.

Wait a minute....why didn't I think of this?

DOH! I need one tight slap.

19 July 2010

bad yoga?


"Expand. Evolve. Grow. Forget not the goal.
Awake. Achieve the goal."

Swami Sivananda

Let's see....in a "modern" yoga class Swamiji would be told his yoga is "wrong".....

Oh my! His legs aren't straight in locust!

He has a rounded back in his forward fold!

Look at his hand position in shoulderstand! He must not know what he's doing! Shame on his yoga teacher for allowing him to do that! His fingers MUST point up, not turned out to the side, that's not right! He is seriously going to injure himself!

In a "modern" yoga class Sivanandaji would also be told to put his elbows closer together in his shoulderstand and a teacher would immediately run up to put a strap around his upper arms because that's the way his arms "should" be.

And Swami, look at your belly! You need a lot more CORE WORK! C'mon, Swami...get a Yoga for Abs DVD!

(shakes head...)


05 June 2010

Mark Whitwell: sex, peace, and all that other stuff


I had stopped attending the Midwest Yoga Conference but I went last year for the first time in a long time just to experience Mark Whitwell. I attended every one of his workshops and I drank the Whitwell kool-aid in a huge way -- I decided that if I could only study with one person the rest of my life it would be Mark.

This year I registered on the spur of the moment for the pre-conference one day "teacher training" with Mark -- here is the abridged description:

"Part 1 - Yoga Is Peace -
Peace is our natural state and it is freely Given. You will learn how to practice your own Yoga, which is your direct intimacy with life in every way. The essence of life is regenerative, nurturing, healing and dependable....

Part 2 - The Yoga of Peace, Intimacy, Sex and Relationship

In this session Mark will go deeper into Method and Understanding that Yoga is relationship and relationship is peace. To be very clear Yoga postures (asana) is hatha Yoga and hatha is tantra, the non-dual understanding. When asana is correctly practiced, actually and naturally, daily but not obsessively it helps intimate relationship of every kind.

You will understand that you live in a powerful regenerative force. Nurturing Source is appearing as the extreme intelligence that is Life, that is you. Mark will guide you to understand how to participate directly in this force and enjoy optimal health, intimacy and sex. You will learn the specifics of hatha yoga practice to make sure any Yoga practice is entirely your own....Mark will help you make use of real Yoga in your real life."


Mark Whitwell is going to talk about sex? Hey, sign me up!

Seriously, though, I was not disappointed. Mark is so true to the Krishnamacharya lineage that I felt recharged.

It was an intimate group of only 9 people and he started the morning by asking us why we are here and what we would like to get out his teaching for the day. One woman was very interested in the sex intimacy aspect of his teaching. She said she wanted to learn how to use yoga as a way to enrich the intimacy between her and her husband. In my head I wished her well because I remembered when I got my husband to try a 20 minute Rodney Yee yoga for abs DVD -- he lasted about 10 minutes and almost passed out. But I digress.....

One of the reasons I love Mark's teaching is that yoga is just yoga. The longer I practice and teach the more tired I become about the different styles. Mark believes that these yoga labels are an American phenomenon. A few people told Mark that they are "doing yoga" more than once a week, running from class to class, from teacher to teacher, and from style to style, but they felt they do not have their own personal yoga....which is Mark teaches -- how to make yoga your own.

I know for myself that I am comfortable with MY yoga, and that's what I say when people ask me what style of yoga I teach. I tell them, "my style. come check it out and if it resonates with you, nice, if not, have a joyFULL day." I say on my website that I developed my own vinyasa style "in an intuitive and eclectic way based on Krishnamacharya’s method", integrating elements from other schools that enhance my practice and teachings. It is “Mindful Yoga”, nothing more, nothing less.

As for those different yoga styles and lineages, Mark feels when we are stuck with one style of another, it's a false identification with another culture and we do not acknowledge other cultures. He said the yoga lineages are not the point -- the point of yoga is not to be attached or identified to something so solidly that it blinds you to the full participation in life itself.

He asked us how do we practice asana without wanting to get to the next asana because trying to get somewhere implies that we are not already here. Get it? Yoga is not about "looking for", it's about "participating in" the given, i.e., life. Yoga is about our direct experience with life, there should not be a stylized struggle for a future result.

Mark said he was disappointed that Krishnamacharya's ideas have been absent from modern yoga. He said that while Krishnamacharya taught Iyengar and Jois, they did not fully utilize Krishnamacharya's practices of non-dual tantric yoga. Mark believes that the Krishnamacharya lineage of viniyoga has become nothing more than physical therapy in this modern yoga age.

At that point I told Mark that it seemed to me that many astanga practitioners are obsessed with perfecting the physical part of the practice (and I'm not dissing any astangi!), doing countless drop backs and jump throughs over and over again until perfection is achieved. Mark said that obsession comes from feeling inadequate; again, it's that trying to get somewhere else when we are already here. He believes that yoga should be practiced consistently, not obsessively. No time frames, no certain number of asanas, just be your yoga, and in fact, your asana practice may fall away completely when the things that are obstructing you from full participation in life are removed BECAUSE of your yoga practice.

To make your yoga truly yours Mark recommends starting with a daily 7 minute practice, and who doesn't have 7 minutes a day for asana and pranayama? Don't obsess, just start with a 7 minute sadhana of asana and pranayama, or even just breathing -- embracing your breath, not merely being a witness to it. Mark believes that when asana is our bhakti, i.e., our connection to the divine, then meditation comes as a siddhi.


....to be continued.....

03 April 2010

from sadhus to zebras, part 2



After spending five nights on Zanzibar -- no internet, no phones, just lots of sun and beach and alone time and daily power cuts and one day of the Zanzibar version of Delhi Belly -- I flew to Arusha via Dar es Salaam to lead my yin-yang yoga retreat.

Years ago an akashic record reader told me that something so potent would occur during one of my trips to India (this was before the Kumbh Mela was even a thought in my mind) that I would have to go a "green place with palm trees" in order to recoup. Yep, that happened. Everything that spiritual adepts told me would happen, did happen on this trip.

I have to say that if I hear anyone whine about how terrible airport security and the TSA are in American airports, they are getting one tight slap (and if you know old Bollywood movies you know what that is.) AMERICANS HAVE NOTHING TO COMPLAIN ABOUT REGARDING AIRPORT SECURITY, so get over it, keep your mouths shut, and get on the planes. Until you've flown through African airports, you have nothing to say. For one thing, you are x-rayed twice, once going into the airport and again before your gate. If you are lucky, you won't get your carry-on searched. In detail. So shut up.

I spent two days chillaxin' at my friend Pat's house before we left for her friend's property where I was to teach. The retreat started on a Friday night, but Pat asked me to guest teach her class the night before. I taught the class by candlelight and flashlight because the electricity AND the lodge's generator went out. I just went with the flow and it was a great experience! During savasana I chased inch-long black ants away from one student who had baggy shorts on -- didn't want one of those humongous ants crawling up his shorts and biting his asana or worse!

I was blessed that the weekend was a screaming success. I did two dharma talks and four yoga sessions and each one was filled with 17-20 people each. Not too shabby for my first global teaching experience.

Of course the energy was very different -- different students, different cultures, a different country. There were a few Americans, but most were British and Dutch ex-pats with varying degrees of yoga experience, however, many did not have a consistent meditation practice. That's where I tweaked them.

My first talk on Friday night was "Introduction to Mindfulness Meditation" and I felt like crap. After all my traveling I had finally hit the wall and my stomach had started bothering me again. All I wanted to do was sleep and this was only 7 at night. It was also obvious to me that these yoga students were not accustomed to sitting and listening. One woman was trouble -- if you teach long enough you can figure out in a heartbeat who's going to be a challenge as soon as they open their mouth. Pat even got upset about how rude this woman was and how fidgety the students were. I let it all wash over me. Everything is temporary.

I wouldn't exactly call this woman rude but I could tell she had some type of anger and control issues. She asked questions not to learn more but to challenge me and then she eventually walked out on the Friday night talk. Her husband came with her for the yoga sessions and the funny thing was, he was the exact opposite of her -- he was funny, kind, and self-deprecating. As it turned out, by the end of the weekend she had softened up a bit. I had directed some of my dharma talks on JUDGMENT to her during the yin sessions. She ended up thanking me for the weekend and wrote down the name of the book I had read from. Everything is a teaching, even for the teacher.

The morning sessions were yin yoga plus vinyasa and the afternoons were all yin yoga. All sessions included mindfulness meditation. During the first session on Saturday a most wondrous and serendipitous thing happened: zebras walked through the retreat. I was teaching the vinyasa portion and I saw the zebras and stopped everything. I pulled out my camera and said that I had to take a picture because no one back home would believe it. Teaching here just isn't the same, believe me!



I could tell that few had experience with mindfulness meditation, so I thought I would take them out of their comfort zone. After the first session on the first day, I told them that since the weekend started out with a talk on mindfulness, I wanted them to keep mauna between the sessions and if they could not do that, then at least practice mindfulness as much as they could. I gave them examples such as keeping their voices low, deeply listening to someone, not interrupting when someone was talking to them, and mindfully chewing their lunch.

Some looked shocked but they tried it. Most were into it, but I saw a few reading books and texting at the same time. I tried the mindfulness experiment on the second day between sessions, but many blew it off. The funny thing was that on the second day those who weren't into the meditation part did not even try to hide it.

I would have them sit for about 20 minutes at the end of each session. Eventually I would open my eyes a bit and I saw people with their eyes wide open big as day, looking around, adjusting their clothes, scratching an itch, or picking their feet. It's always the feet-pickers who get me (and you know who you are.) Hey, if you're not even going to try to sit in stillness, then sit quietly with your eyes closed and stop squirming around like some two year old kid with ADHD.

At one point I also had them do a 30 minute walking meditation which had profound impacts on some people. The majority had never done walking meditation before and they liked it. Probably because they weren't sitting still!

I loved teaching to a totally different group of people. Even though they were westerners, they were still different compared to American yoga students, at least my students back home (mine are much more mindful!)



I must say that after being in Arusha I can see why people there are fidgety and easily distracted. While the area outside the city is a wonderland of indescribable beauty, the energy I felt in Nairobi and Arusha was one of underlying violence waiting to happen. I couldn't shake it. Some people told me that they felt Kenya will be the next country with a genocide, it's just a matter of time.

The fact of the matter is that all these westerners, even if they have lived in Tanzania for 20 years, could be kicked out if the government decides they no longer want non-Tanzanians in the country. I saw buildings with huge red Xs on them. Pat told me if the Arusha city government decides it wants to widen a street, your building will be Xed and knocked down at a moment's notice with everything inside. You can come home from work one day and no longer have a home. One of the students ran a restaurant and his building was knocked down just a few weeks before. Poof, gone.

Pat will soon move to a town outside of Durban, South Africa. Her and her husband have lived in Arusha for 15 years, but she told me that it has never felt like home. Pat will build her own yoga shala somewhere on their land so she can teach and she has asked me to come back and do another retreat. Who knows? Maybe next year. I know there is at least one yogi in Durban because someone from there did a search for "Mark Whitwell" and found this blog!

We went on a 48 hour safari after the retreat. On the second day we went to Ngorongoro Crater, the place where humankind took its first steps. When you are witnessing the beginnings of the wildebeast migration, an event that has been going on for thousands of years, and all you can hear are the animals, the wind, and your breath, it does something to you on a primal level. I was told I would die in India and be reborn in Africa. I now know what that meant.

I don't think Africa will ever be my India, but with an open heart I look forward to returning. I am very grateful for having this opportunity that was set in motion five years ago. Hari om.




"We are stardust, we are golden,
We are billion year old carbon,
And we got to get ourselves back to the garden.

Well, then can I roam beside you?
I have come to lose the smog,
And I feel myself a cog in somethin' turning.
And maybe it's the time of year,
Yes and maybe it's the time of man.
And I don't know who I am,
But life is for learning..."





22 December 2009

random yoga ramblings


(originally uploaded by http://www.flickr.com/photos/macchick1/)

I'm leaving the country for eight weeks in 15 days so I've been feeling a bit scattered, making my lists and checking them twice. I have to sit down soon and concentrate on writing my dharma talks for Africa -- one is an introduction to mindfulness meditation and the other is "Buddha's Four Foundations of Mindfulness and how they relate to your yoga practice." Deep. I only have two more classes to teach this week and I won't teach again until March. The thing is, I'm relieved bordering on glad. I need to fill this vessel with soul food because I've been running on empty.

In between jotting down my dharma notes I of course take time to read my fave blogs so here is some food for thought....

the title of Sadiq's latest post resonated with me: absorbing what we already know. Sadiq wrote:

"What if we took a single lesson and thoroughly absorbed it? Rather than being gluttons for more knowledge, what levels of spirituality might we reach if we remained with only one holy sentence – a single, spiritually potent concept?...

Traveling the mystical path isn’t about learning more or doing more. It’s about absorbing what we already know – a vastly more difficult task."


"Absorbing what we already know" and when you really think about it, it IS a difficult task. What do I know about yoga and meditation? What people have told me or what I intuitively know in my bones?

Real knowing has nothing to do with accumulated knowledge, borrowed from others, from books, from parents, from teachers. After all his travels and teachings from ascetics the Buddha parked himself underneath a tree and merely watched his breath, nothing more nothing less, and when he opened his eyes he knew. His awakening came from his experiences and when asked what he taught the Buddha said that he taught about suffering and the end of suffering. There comes a time when you know that you know.

Many of you might think of me as the snarky yogini of a certain age, but I can't even begin to tell you about the doubts I had about teaching in Africa, about whether I can really do this. People are impressed with the yoga celebrity culture nowadays and I am a nobody comparatively speaking -- maybe that is why I must leave here to truly fly. There comes a time when you know that you know.

I believe we have to reach a certain point to truly know that less really is more. Reading the post I was reminded of Chogyam Trungpa's concept of spiritual materialism: we search for so many things that we dig many shallow holes instead of one deep one. Lots of asana practice out there, but not so much sitting. I surely did the same until I knew that doing less gives me so much more.



Fernanda quoted Peter Kupfer on sankalpa, i.e., a firm resolve or intention about putting your dharma into practice...you will have to use the Google translator:

"Sankalpa means resolution...Aims to enhance a positive aspect of personality at a subconscious level.

The sankalpa goes underground, strengthening the structure of the mind and awakening the latent forces that will facilitate the achievement of our goals. Is to activate the positive qualities that exist within us all, but remain locked in the subconscious. This will give a direction more suited to our existence.

We need to do a self-examination to identify our primary need and recall vividly what we want to update and improve. Although sankalpa is made mentally, it starts the heart."


Swami Sivananda said "just as you require food for the body, so also you require food for the soul in the shape of prayers, japa, kirtan, meditation, etc. The food for the soul is more essential than the food for the body...."

What is your soul's food? Yoga classes usually take a hit during the holidays, at least in my area, and frankly, I don't understand why people feel the need to starve themselves during this time and not feed themselves what they need -- and I'm not talking about fruitcake, darlings. Then people complain about how much running around they do and how burnt out they get during the holidays. Our lives are created by our choices.

Fernanda wrote that the "End of year is time for renewal, transformation. Time to let the old go and embrace the new. Time to go back inside and rethink what has been done and what will be done going forward."

Her words made me think of my upcoming travels and how much has changed for me in the past year and yet, very little has changed in essence. I am the same person but this year I've let go of so much that did not serve me. Last year at this time I was in such a deep funk that I experienced PTSD and an old addiction raised its ugly head. I mostly kept this to myself, even my friends did not know how depressed I was, but I knew what brought it on. While I was in my funk, I resolved, as Kupfer wrote, to awaken the latent forces that would facilitate the achievement of my goals. At the bottom of that dark well that I dropped myself into I found my sankalpa.

"As you establish your sankalpa depending on your need, we must first see what the need is. To take this course, nothing is better than a good self-analysis, deep and sincere, so as to identify the most striking aspects of personality...Then, the sankalpa is established on the basis of attitudes...Every mistake is a lesson, each winning a deepening of understanding."

How blind we are to what we really need and how ruled we are by our wants. As a teacher I used to want so much but now I know what I truly need in order to continue teaching.

What do you truly want and need as a yoga teacher? I used to want lots of students in my classes, I assumed that meant I was a "good teacher." Now I am happy with the two or three private students on any given night where they are content to listen and not necessarily practice. A packed group class means more money but at what cost? When is it legit to quit?

"When teachers become disillusioned with teaching, sometimes it's about what we are teaching....At other times, our disillusionment has to do with whom we are teaching."

What and whom are the operative words for me.

I am finding that I like teaching meditation more than teaching asana because I truly believe that people need the former much more than the latter. My yoga classes are infused with mindfulness as much as my personal practice is informed by my vipassana practice. I find it interesting that my own students tell me "we love that you're here and we are grateful for your teaching, but you need to get out of here." I wonder what is it about how or what I teach that my own students tell me that I don't belong here.

I resolve to further let go of what no longer serves me, to find that direction more suited to my existence.



20 November 2009

this is my real yoga



“You are a life saver. Without you I would be a stressed out 20 year old bitching about everything. Now I live my life and I’m writing my own story and I have never felt better. I tell everyone about you and how you guide people to find not only happiness but themselves. I thank you for opening my eyes to that.”
[college student, 2009]



With all the yada yada about how old yoga really is (see discussion in comments), the name-branding of yoga and the Show Biz Yogi Lifestyle (TM of course), what is "real yoga", Bikram's desire to have yoga (uh, asana) competition in the Olympics, ad infinitum, it all makes me want to scream "STOP!"

Don't get me wrong, I love a good discussion, but I have to ask: when is enough, enough? Buddha (basically) said not to take peoples' words as gospel, that you must experience things through your own lens and judge for yourself.

I know what works for me and I've written about it on numerous occasions. Brenda made an excellent point when she asked "if you just boil it down to asana without any kind of inner reflection, then isn't it just floor exercise?" I love her one word opinion about that.

But I will play devil's advocate and say, so what? So what if someone does some stretches when they get out of bed and calls it yoga? I asked Tom Pilarzyk that question when I heard him speak on whether American yoga is in crisis.

He said that he would compare that to the idea of Christmas. He asked, what if a person said "so what if I only like lots of presents on Christmas?" Tom said, OK, if that's all you want, but isn't the idea of Christmas really about something more?

I believe that yoga must contain certain things in order for it to be called yoga. Notice that I did not say any type of spirituality must be a requirement; I don't even say namaste at the end of my classes. I don't care if you've never read a yoga book and think Bhagavad Gita is the name of the guy who fixed your computer.

As I've heard Desikachar say, if yoga does not contain X, then you're just doing acrobatics. Nick Rosen, the "star" of the movie Enlighten Up said "yoga’s anything you want it to be and that’s very freeing..." Uh, OK...I'm going to swing from a chandelier in my chakra underwear and trademark it as "SwingYoga." Yup...just call something "yoga" and that makes it "yoga." Uh-huh. And if you steal this idea I'm going to sue your yoga butt.

Sometimes all this yada yada makes me want to go off and live in a cave. OK, not really, but it does make me question being a yoga teacher, especially when stuff like this happens. I tell myself, why bother, when people aren't getting it. I know a few teachers who have just given up. Then I remember what I heard Seane Corn say in a workshop: that she'd rather teach to the two who get it than the 10 who don't.

But then a student tells me what my college yogi told me. Or the hearts of the domestic violence survivors crack open when they know that maybe just for this moment they are loved unconditionally.

That is my real yoga, and frankly, I don't care what you do. I used to care, but I don't anymore. You do your "yoga" and I'll do mine. But please...don't insult me and my teachers and my teachers' teachers going all the way back to Patanjali by calling your morning stretches or your posing, yoga.

Don't insult the original yogis, the sramanas, those renouncers of the Hindu rituals who around the 8th Century BC to the 2nd century CE used their bodies and minds as laboratories for the direct experience of yoga and nondualism.

If something isn't changing for you off the mat, then don't call it yoga.

Instead of a Christmas analogy, I'll use food. If you want to make a chocolate cake but leave out the chocolate, can you still call it a chocolate cake? Or is it just a poor imitation?

Just askin'.



06 November 2009

decisions, decisions....

Hmmmm....should I blog about teaching in Tanzania to global yogis....





...or totally disappear once I hit India...no blogging, no Facebook updates, no tweets (which I'm beginning to think tweeting is a huge waste of time anyway.)

The Yoga Adventure in Africa is sold out -- but no one from here (USA) is going. Too outside the box and (I'm assuming) too expensive to get to Africa. That is too bad because that means no money whatsoever for the eye clinic in Moshi, Tanzania (except my donation.) I had hoped that enough people from here would have signed up to give Seva $1,080.00. I sent my business newsletter announcing the trip to over 100 people all over the country. YogaChicago magazine (where I placed my ad) has a circulation of over 25,000 readers. A few bloggers (you know who you are! thank you again!) wrote about the trip. In spite of all that, no American takers.

However, within two days of an email announcement, a dozen people from the Tanzanian yoga community signed up. We only have room for 15, so that's 12, my friend who organized it, her friend who owns the property where I will teach, and me. Full...and me bringing yin yoga to Africa. Paul Grilley told me, "you go, girl!" I'm global, baby.

A friend told me I might fall in love with Africa the way I did with India. I'm not ruling it out...because I've asked Maithri if I could teach yoga to HIV/AIDS patients in Swaziland.

Hmmmmm....I like going off the grid....




I step onto the plane in 60 days.




26 October 2009

and the beat goes on....



I promised to write about the talk I went to about whether American yoga is in crisis, but I won't. That ship has sailed. In the meantime the discussion continued over at elephant journal "Real Yoga Practiced Here" and at Brenda's house with her post "Whatever happened to dignity?" where she said, "And yet even the yoga community seems full of practitioners keen on branding themselves and selling yoga shoes to "help spread the word"--as if the word wasn't spreading just fine on its own without a lot of pictures of hot, young bodies doing arm balances." Even Rainbeau Mars kept popping up to let us know that the "Rainbeau Mars Lifestyle" is really all about just spreading the word about yoga (and buying Adidas clothes) and if y'all don't see that then y'all are just haters. Nikki asks whether we are practicing real yoga and Diane muses about yoga group think.

Our judgments (whether about yoga or anything else) are based on our experiences and assumptions. So for people who believe yoga is just another fitness class, then American yoga is not in crisis. If one sees yoga as a deeper spiritual (whatever that word means to you) or personal exploration, then one might think American yoga is in crisis if one sees the emphasis placed only on the physical.

AAAAARRRRRHHHHHHH


You do your yoga and I'll do mine. My yoga contains asana+pranayama+meditation plus occasional chanting and mudras. That's what I teach and if someone walks into my class and doesn't like what I do, there are a gazillion yoga teachers out there, find someone else. Simple. And metta to you.

But putting your leg behind your neck or even both legs does not impress me. Children can do that. Show me how you live your life. Show me what you can give up on a 10 day retreat without complaint. I also don't care how many translations of the Vedas or Upanishads or any other yogic text you've read or whether you can chant the Sutra-s backwards.

I have over 1000 hours of training and teaching experience; I've been told I have a "beautiful practice"; I have a closet full of yoga books some of which I've read more than once. But if I was still operating on automatic pilot, if I was still reacting to things inappropriately, flying off the handle (and I am NOT saying I do not get angry), or treating people badly, what good did all those yoga hours do for me? So is yoga an exercise or is it about transformation? Is it about the journey or the end result?

I returned to yoga in the mid-'90s for a purely physical reason just like many people come to yoga. I returned to yoga to help rehab my severely arthritic shoulder from arthroscopic surgery. But as soon as I started moving my body in that beginning yoga class, barely able to move my right shoulder even after 8 weeks of PT, that whole mind-body-prana connection kicked right in. That bhavana was like an IV. I was introduced to yoga via meditation over 30 years ago when I OMed with Allen Ginsberg, so that barely sprouted seed laid dormant for a very long time until it was watered at just the right time. Conditioned Genesis in Buddhist talk.

So don't talk to me about Forrest Yoga or Jivamukti Yoga or Bikram Yoga or Anusara Yoga. I don't care about names with capital letters. Yoga is yoga and why practicing "just yoga" isn't good enough anymore is beyond me. I've heard Krishnamacharya's son Desikachar say that yoga contains X, Y, and Z and if it doesn't contain that, then you're just doing acrobatics. As I've said more than a few times about this thing we call yoga in OM-merika, you can call a dog a cat all you want to, that still doesn't make it a cat.

As Nikki asks in her blog post "Is my yoga practice making any inroad in how I function in life?" Or as one reader said in my post "I am my shadow self", "if Yoga isn't pushing you outside your comfort zone, it ain't really Yoga."

Why do you yoga? Not "do yoga" because yoga is about undoing, not doing. Yoga does us. I've always thought that the reason more people don't yoga is because stepping into yoga takes courage and many (most?) are afraid to see what might come up.

The abused women I teach at the domestic violence shelter don't care about Lululemon pants, an Adidas lifestyle, about chanting Sanskrit, about your favorite translation of the Hatha Yoga Pradipika, or whether I can stand on my head in the middle of the room. They care about changing their lives. They care about how focusing on the breath can calm the mind. They care about relieving their suffering, moment by moment. If someone with the idea that yoga is just another way of working out looked into the room and saw our yoga, they might be confused because we're not in pretzel poses or trying to perfect chaturanga dandasana. We're not sweating. We're sitting. Breathing. Maybe facing a few those demons....mindfully.

"Can we do hatha yoga (or any other form of bodily training) with the same wisdom that guides vipassana practice?....

A specific example from my own practice and teaching: I do viniyoga, which emphasizes constant awareness of the conditioned movement of the body and breathing in all postures. This helps bring about a more vivid quality to the breath sensations, making breath awareness meditation more accessible. This is an asset for yogis engaged in ànàpàna-sati [mindfulness of breathing], especially for those with faulty breathing habits, which can incline the mind to distraction. If the postures were practiced with the same deliberate mindfulness used, for example, in walking meditation, such conscious breathing and movement would not only facilitate meditation practice-it would be meditation itself....

That's just it. It's not about chakras or kundalini rising, as valuable as this approach may be. It's just that when I do yoga, I do vipassana."

BODY PEOPLE, MIND PEOPLE, by Larry Rosenberg



You do your yoga, I'll do mine.



16 October 2009

Friday's yoga thought

"Daily Yoga practice may include Asanas, Pranayama and Meditation in proper proportion, so that the yoga diet is balanced." -- Srivatsa Ramaswami


In this recent discussion of what yoga should have in order to be called yoga, who can argue against having a balanced diet?


Resources for mindfulness meditation practice: "Mindfulness meditation: The Shambhala Sun offers a diverse selection of teachings on mindfulness meditation, from the Theravada and Insight traditions of Buddhism."


And here's an oldie but a goodie: Killing Yoga's Sacred Cows


Finally....

HAPPY DIWALI TO EVERYONE!






13 October 2009

is there an "American spiritualism" like "American yoga"?


Yes I know I promised to write a review of the talk I attended about whether American yoga is in crisis, but I think that topic is a very small part of a much bigger picture. So I will throw the question out there: what are we lacking that make people do this:

James Arthur Ray's Spiritual Warrior Event Kills 2


I've never seen the movie The Secret so I have no opinion about Ray and what he puts out, but know many people who have and who have thought it the greatest thing since sliced bread (I'm dating myself with that phrase.) I've also heard many New Agey people talk about the Law of Attraction (and who hopelessly confuse it with karma) and just have to wonder: why do you feel you are so utterly lacking in anything? It is almost a luxury in this country -- one of the richest countries in the world with so much material and yes, non-material, things available to us -- to feel that we lack anything! I have met people in India who have nothing compared to westerners yet are content. But I digress.

The psychology of people who will blindly follow a "guru" (whether American, Hindu, Buddhist, etc.) has always fascinated me so when I read Brenda's post about American false idols I had to ask, what are we looking for when we follow a "brand name" in yoga and spirituality?

Speaking of false idols, read these posts:

The Unquestioned Gurus of the Religion of the Self (that contains the great subheading "Psychopaths as Teachers of Right Living.")

The Cultivation of Inflation and The Culture of Narcissism in Personal Development

One of the comments to the first link was this:

"...that you can't just take the most sacred ceremonies from another culture that you do not belong and have not paid any dues too (sic), mix it with whatever you feel like and sell it off as a business venture. for decades actual native americans have tried to warn the white culture about fraud ripping off and bastardizing their culture and ceremonies. no one listened opting instead for the glittery promises of the new age gurus and plastic shamans."

I found that one comment (especially about paying your dues and mixing things up and selling it as a business venture) on point with the recent discussions about western yoga. Just sayin'.

Roseanne's excellent posts on the branding of yoga caused spirited discussions as do my posts on Americanized yoga v. what I practice in India. So why isn't practicing plain old yoga good enough for us? Has yoga in its partnering with companies like Adidas and fila merely become part of this culture of narcissism? Has yoga in this country become a new religion of the self?

To those who stand around a yoga "master" who performs "advanced" asanas at a yoga conference and applaud and film it to put it on YouTube, are we not celebrating the cult of narcissism in a vacuous yoga celebrity culture that we at the same time scoff at?

Amanda wrote one of her always brilliant comments to this post:

"- I suspect the 'faddish' and 'hypercommercialised' nature of American yoga is what many people object to beneath this critique of contemporary yoga, but don't verbalise it as such.

- the question of authenticity also jumps out as an issue: does Anusara, Jivamutki, Forrest or whatever style of yoga represent an immature innovation based on shallow Western values such as commercialism and body image or true cultural change within yoga? (Only TIME will tell on this one!)

- babies teaching babies yoga. I agree but our western culture tells us we can do anything if we have the money. Thus, we see 23 year olds running yoga schools. (see my earlier point about paying your dues.)

- an unhealthy obsession with Patanjali's Yoga Sutra as 'the last word' on yoga at the expense of other texts. Hasn't anyone read Georg Feuerstein or Mircea Eliade?

- an obsession with difficult and physiologically/psychologically harmful or futile asana which 'apparently' grant one the body of a hyperflexible, twenty-something. Again, this is the current Western trope of youth/perfection/image that pervades every facet of our lives."

"If we wish only to teach poses or postures, it would be better to call what we do by a name other than Yoga." Donna Farhi in Yoga Beyond Fitness, page 125

I'll ask again as I did in this post, is Americanized yoga a mile wide and an inch deep? And if it is, I will ask again as I did at the beginning of this post, what are we searching for that so many of us unquestioningly put our bodies and minds and psyches into the hands of false idols, whether it's in the yoga world or elsewhere?

What say you, yoga teachers? Are you a fitness teacher or a yoga teacher? As a commenter said in Brenda's post, "We are (essentially) fitness instructors. We need to be happier with that role I think."

I don't know about anyone else but I have not spent $10,000+ to be a fitness instructor. I was a certified fitness instructor for a short time and I can tell you that as a yoga teacher what I do now is light years away from what I did before, which is why I think the "become a yoga teacher in a weekend" programs are a great disservice. BECAUSE I deal with peoples' emotions and psyches when I take on private clients, that's the main reason I'm applying for a certificate course in Jungian psychology, to learn even more on top of what yoga and Buddhism has already taught me about human psychology. Speaking of dealing with the mind, if I conducted my own yoga teaching training program each student would be required to sit for a 10 day silent vipassana retreat in the strict Goenka tradition. Talk about a brain enema. Teachers, know thyselves.

Krishnamurti said, "it is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society.": "...as Krishnamurti suggests, it’s possible to think that we’re spiritually and mentally healthy because we share our mistaken values and understandings with those around us. Collectively, our ill minds create a society that is itself ill, and we consider ourselves healthy because we see our values reflected in our fellow worldlings."

I think I've brought up some more questions, so talk amongst yourselves.



17 March 2009

yoga teachers are the new waiters



They say that every restaurant server in Los Angeles is an actor or actress waiting for their big break. So are yoga teachers the new wait staff?

This post over at YogaDork makes one think:

"...many aspiring teachers who hear the call will follow the dream no matter what it takes (meaning, lots of odd jobs and stretching the dollar). For some it’s not worth the stress. Caleb Asch teaches 6 classes a week, but it’s not enough to pay the bills. “The stress of not having enough to live on is a killer,” he said.

JG wrote this comment: "This quote - “The stress of not having enough to live on is a killer” - really hit home for me. I’ve been teaching full time for over five years and I’ve never made a fortune, but I always made the bills. This year has been the exception. With 30+ “one-month-intensive” YTTs in my city churning out teachers and the studios offering increasingly low pay to teachers (after all, why pay when there are people willing to teach for free?), I’m beginning to question my decision to teach, as much as I love it. 2009 may be the year I throw in the towel."

I've written more than a few posts about the economics of yoga teaching and about the plethora of yoga teacher trainings in the Chicago area. The fact of the matter is that there are too many yoga teachers and not enough students, yet studios keep cranking out newbie teachers because teacher training programs pay the bills. A studio doesn't make money teaching group classes and a yoga teacher certainly doesn't, not when a studio owner pays a teacher anywhere from $4-$7 per student. I don't know anyone in the real world who is willing to work 90 minutes to make $4. Yet yoga teachers are expected to and to accept it with a smile and no complaints. And if you don't like it then you can get out because there are 10 more newly minted yoga teachers waiting to take your place, some who are more than willing to teach yoga for free just for the thrill, uh, experience. This is real world yoga stuff that Yoga Journal does not write about.

Yup, yoga teaching sure has become a funny business in this here Om-mera-ka. In fact, I had a moment last week when the thought popped into my head, "why am I doing this?" The longer I teach, the more yoga nutbars float to the surface. As a yoga teacher friend told me about the following email, "the longer we all hang around this USA, the weirder this yoga tribe is gonna get."

I received an email with the subject line "private yoga instruction." I receive more than a few emails like that because I have a website, but it made me suspicious because this was the entire email:

"Hello!

How much do you charge for private sessions? How long are they usually?

Thanks!"

It made me suspicious because when most people ask about private instruction they tell me where they are, what injuries or conditions they have, how they found me, what they are looking for, among other things. Their emails are not two sentences. What also made me suspicious was that it came from a [first and last name]yoga.com. I don't want to give the name because I don't want to give this woman any type of publicity.

I googled her name and found a very professional looking website that was, in my opinion, too slick and a bit over the top, a website that buried you with information. The young woman bills herself as "Teacher * Scholar * Consultant * Yoga * Transformation * Sustainability."

Uh, me too.

I responded: "Why do you want to know that when you are a yoga teacher yourself and not someone in my local area looking for private yoga instruction?"

Ms. Yoga Expert immediately emailed a one sentence reply:

"I am looking to hire Yoga teachers, and gauging further inquiries and
potential offers according to responses to the questions I asked you."

When I read that sentence I thought "yogabot." Now is it just me or is this woman disingenuous? Why wasn't she up front about her real intentions in the first email? Why wasn't her subject line "yoga teachers wanted" instead of "private yoga instruction"? As far as I'm concerned, she lied and she's dishonest. As a "scholar", shouldn't she know how to word an email so as not to make the person receiving the email suspicious? But what do I know? I only graduated summa cum laude so I don't know if that makes me a scholar.

Something about the tone of her emails and even her very professional looking website made my skin crawl. I really wanted to email her back and tell her that and some other things, but of course, that would not be very yogic of me.

I don't belong here. I need to find my own yoga tribe.



04 March 2009

my teacher's wisdom

"Charles Darwin’s 200th birth Anniversary has indirectly energized many to restart the debate about God, Creation and Evolution. This kind of discussion, though, has been going on from time immemorial.

Sayana, the well known commentator on the Vedas, starts his commentary by pointing out that several of the sayings of the Vedas on Heaven and the less favorable place and the details of how to get to the former and avoid the latter can never be proved or disproved. Even if they debate for a billion years (sata koti varsa) the believer can not prove to the nonbeliever the existence of these worlds and God, nor can the non-believer disprove their existence to the believer. Recently, several Darwin believers have put up graffiti billboards, etc., proclaiming, inter alia, “Probably there is no God, so go out and enjoy life”, drawing an equally telling response from a believer, “God exists, so go out and enjoy life”.

The most popular theory of creation of modern science is the Big Bang theory. Great minds have propounded this theory. Basically it asserts that the present Universe we experience evolved out of a dime sized entity called “Singularity” that the universe has expanded from this primordial hot and immensely dense initial condition at some finite time in the past, and continues to expand to this day. The mathematicians would say that this singularity has no dimension and infinite density. Then the Universe evolved out of it. I understand that the Big Bang theory does not address the question whence the Singularity was formed and how. Some speculate that these are formed from matter and energy sucked by the Black Hole(s), which is the end chapter of the previous evolution. Implicitly there is no mention of the need for an intelligent cause (Nimitta Karana) for the creation. It evolves by itself. Of course there are many scientists who believe that there could be an intelligent principle behind it—though they may not call it God. This view that the Universe evolved without God or an efficient cause has been there along with the theistic view from time immemorial. An orthodox philosophy, Samkhya avers that the entire Universe evolved out of a singular non-dimensional entity called Mula Prakriti, without an efficient cause (nimitta karana) called God.

Both these views hold that the Universe, the macrocosm that we experience has a real, material cause. And theists believe in a material cause which is also efficient/intelligent cause, which is God. This macrocosmic view that out of the huge macrocosm, countless individual entities like us have sprung up or were created, or evolved, is generally accepted. But there is a third view less known, less straightforward, which tries to understand the whole evolution from a different point of view, from the point of the individual microcosm.

Yoga looks at it from the individual viewpoint, as briefly explained below, which will help and lead us to understand the third viewpoint about Creation propounded by the Advaitic School of the Upanishads.

All my life I am the subject and the world around is the object. I see objects, hear sounds, smell things etc. When I am awake and see an object, the sequence as all of us know is as follows. Light falls on the object that I see, the light is reflected by the object, and the light particles, reach my eyes and then the retina. The retina
converts them into electrical impulses and they reach some part of my brain. Then there may be some chemical changes in my brain cells and communications among the brain cells resulting in my seeing the object. But in physical terms all the information reaches my brain and is absorbed. With this the physical phenomena end. After these reach my brain, how do I see the object, outside of me, in front of me? The information is in my head physically but how do I see it outside of me? Nothing goes out of my head. The brain projects an image, not outside but in the mental space according to Yogis, because the projection does not and cannot take place in the physical space. My mind projects it and there has to be some awareness or consciousness in me which sees or experiences this mental projection. The yogis call
the projection a chittavritti. The chittavritti is the projection of the mind made out of the information received through the eyes.

Of course the projection is a little more involved. The mind not only gets information through the eyes but also through the ears and other senses, and the mind collates the information and makes a composite presentation which I see in the mental space, just as the objects appear to be outside of me. I not only have the outside picture reproduced in my mind but also me, the subject, as part of the experience. I am also aware that I am in the midst of the total picture as the ‘subject’ experiencing the outside world. I also feel emotions attached to the mental picture. I also react to the experience, sometimes with a happy or sometimes an unhappy
disposition. Anyway there is a composite picture I experience. The totality of what I experience including that I am the observer, I like it, I don’t like it, everything -- this is the chittavritti at a moment. In the next moment, the chittavritti changes. Moment after moment there is a new chittavritti and the non-changing Self, the pure consciousness keeps observing this changing flux of chittavrittis.

The chittavritti is not confined to objects outside that I see directly. Sometimes, I infer from partial sensory perceptions or occasionally I try to picture on the basis merely of what I hear. Then there are occasions when I close my eyes and produce my own chittavrittis, without objects, like in dreams—day or night. Then I have chittavrittis produced purely from past incidents which I remember. Then of course my mind completely closes shop when there is an ‘experience of sleep’. So I have a variety of chittavrittis, all taking place in my head. My chittavritti which is the totality of my experience at any given moment takes place not in physical space but in mental space or in virtual space. So even though the objects I
perceive may be real, what I experience is virtual. This is what happens in all of us all the time. But even as the experience may be with virtual objects, the objects of the outside world are real according to Yogis.

But the Vedantins especially advaita vedantins ask a further question. If the experience we have takes place in mental space or chitta akasa, the experience of the prior moment also should be taking place in virtual space. So the objects that reflected light particles for my eyes to perceive themselves are virtual objects. Thus going back they aver that our entire life experience is only virtual and not ‘really’ real. We can extrapolate this to the entire outside world and say the Universe is not really ‘real’, it is an illusion.

So we have three possibilities, following this line of reasoning. Firstly the universe is real even though our experience, known as chittavritti is virtual. This is the position of the Yogis, and we would agree with that. The second view is that it is not possible to say for sure if the outside world exists or not (anirvachaniya) since our experience is limited to our virtual chittavrittis. The third view is that there is no real outside world, there is no real creation and the experience is virtual and the universe is illusory. But, one may assert that the objects are real, we can see, we can feel them. But the Mayavadins or those who say that the world is only an illusion, aver that just as we feel the dream space, dream objects and the dream self to be real during dream but they are found to be an illusion when we wake up, likewise the waking state experience also is virtual and there is no real world outside. They say that there is no real creation, all our life we have a succession of virtual experiences.

Let us get back to the ideas at the beginning of the article. So we have now three views about creation of the universe. One is that it evolved from “Singularity” and that is the material cause of the Universe. Like the modern scientist, Samkhya does not feel the need to agree to an efficient cause like God, the creator. The second view is that God created the Universe and He is both the material and the efficient cause. The third view is that the creation itself is an illusion and hence there is no need to subscribe to a material cause, like the Singularity or the Mulaprakriti. However since there is an experience, the experiencer (Atman or drashta), which is non-changing pure consciousness alone exists which observes the illusionary experience. Some Buddhists schools find no need for even postulating the constantly observing Self.

So, the Upanishads aver that there is an origin of the Universe, like the Singularity of the Scientists or the Mulaprikriti of the Samkhyas, which ‘origin’ the Upanishads call as Brahman, literally meaning “the principle that expanded into this Universe’. But the comparison ends there. While the Singularity is inert, without consciousness, Brahman is pure, non-changing consciousness. It is the considered view of the vedandins that matter cannot produce or become consciousness; the object cannot become the subject. The advaita vedantins further aver, likewise, Consciousness cannot produce or become matter, it can only be an observer. So they postulate the theory that what evolved out of the Brahman is not really real, but only an illusion. Brahman does not expand like the Singularity does as postulated by the Big Bang Theory. In fact it is said that the zero dimension Brahman contains the entire universe within itself, but the Universe appears to be outside of it--like during our dream state the dream objects are within our consciousness but appear to be outside us. Or, it is like the thin film of the reflecting surface of a mirror giving the impression of having the three dimensional space and objects behind it.

One may therefore examine theories of creation other than the most popular views of “God created the Universe” or “the Universe evolved on its own”. The third view is that there is no real creation. Uncomfortable? But this obviates the need to answer the rather difficult questions, “Whence did all this material come to make this
Universe.” Or “Why God created this Universe” and many other questions. The theory of illusory evolution is plausible and tantalizing. Some traditional theists (astikas) who are drawn towards the logic of this third theory of Virtual Creation (maya vada), call the Lord a Mayavin, or the Creator of the Grand Illusion."



Srivatsa Ramaswami, March 2009




21 January 2009

my next yoga career move


It's the beginning of 2009 and I've pretty much decided that I will not teach in yoga studios anymore. Those of you who are regular readers of this blog know why. I should never say never, things can always change, but as of this moment it's a better idea to run my own workshops and classes and not teach for anyone else. My yoga persona is not conducive to teaching in gyms or health clubs. I'm not saying that there aren't good teachers in those venues, but it ain't me, babe. I can't teach to someone who is looking for a "work out" in yoga. I mean, I can, but I don't want to. I can kick your yoga ass and leave you dripping with sweat if that's what you think makes a great yoga class, but I don't want to. It's good to know that because knowing who you are in the yoga world saves you a lot of hassle and heartache. Advice to newbie teachers: don't try to be someone you're not. Teach what you know, not what you THINK you know. It's a gift to know who you are.

With the experiences I've had in the last two years with studio owners, I've paid my dues. I've been teaching for 7 years. I've studied three times at one of the most prestigious yoga schools in the world and I am an ongoing student of three yoga masters. I've been a student of Buddhism for 30+ years. The next logical step for me, as it has been for other long-time teachers I know, is training yoga teachers. Maybe that's not the next step for some of you reading this, but I have moved on from teaching group classes. I have private students and I only teach two group classes where I teach for other entities. I call the shots in the rest of my classes.

Many yoga studios in the Chicago area run their own teacher trainings. I have no idea where all these new teachers are going to teach because there are more teachers than there are students, but yoga studios keep cranking out the yoga teachers. Any yoga studio that wants to make a buck comes up with a teacher training program. Let's be honest -- the yoga bucks aren't in teaching group classes. As I was taught in India, personal transformation for a student only begins in a group class; it is accomplished by working one-on-one with a teacher, in the traditional way. At a yoga conference workshop I heard a show-biz yogini say (and I've learned better than to name names anymore in this blog) that she'd rather teach to the two students who get it than to the 10 who don't. I feel the same way. Her statement was honest and real.

For the last six months I've been going back and forth about doing my own teacher training. Frankly I think my training would be unique because it would include Buddhism. Not one training in my area includes that subject. Nor does any teacher training include yin yoga. I've studied with the two American yin yoga masters for the last 5 years.

But first I have to get it on with the Yoga Alliance. Yee-ha. I'd love to know what the Yoga Alliance does for yoga teachers other than take their money, but this culture being what it is, everyone looks for that seal of approval to study with. Five years ago I registered at the 200 level and I now have enough hours to be an "E-500" level, that is, an "experienced" yoga teacher. I never wanted to play the game of getting a higher registration, the mere thought of filling out their form gave me hives, but now that I'm thinking of training teachers it's almost a requirement, future students look for it.

I emailed the YA and asked whether I could apply for E-500 instead of being a plain ol' 500 hour level yoga teacher. The answer was no, I have to be a 500 hour first, for FOUR YEARS (WTF?!?), before I can apply for E-500. I totaled all my teaching hours since 2004 and according to their own rules, I'm already E-500. As far as I'm concerned, this is just a scam to get more of my money. And for what? The Yoga Alliance does nothing for me. As they say in Texas, that ol' dog won't hunt.

So what's the big deal about being registered with Yoga Alliance in order to train teachers? Unfortunately, for the sole reason that people think Yoga Alliance registration really means something. It's all about marketing, nothing more, nothing less.

The master teacher I trained with 7 years ago was not, at that time, registered with the Yoga Alliance, but he trained with Pattabhi Jois twice and at an Iyengar institute and lived with his guru for almost 10 years. When I trained with him he didn't care about being anointed by the Yoga Alliance. As ridiculous as it was he was not an "approved" school when I registered with YA. But over the years he grandfathered into the Yoga Alliance registration -- only because people think it really means something. My teacher Ramaswami who studied with Krishnamacharya for 30 years has recently become Yoga Alliance registered -- as if someone would not study with him because he wasn't.

One year from now I'll be living in an ashram in India studying yoga therapy under the personal guidance of a a swami, after which I will receive a yoga diploma certified by the Indian government. I really think that trumps anything the Yoga Alliance can give me.

I will look to training yoga teachers in the near future. But not in America. In India. I can do a 200 hour training, 8 hours a day, in 5 weeks. People study astanga in Mysore, Iyengar in Pune, viniyoga in Chennai, and travel to Rishikesh all the time to study yoga in general. British ex-pats run yoga teacher training programs in Goa. Why should I not teach yoga and yoga teachers in my beloved Tamil Nadu, India? I've been told that with my India experience I should do "sacred temple tours." That would be a perfect thing to do after a teacher training -- a temple puja blessing the new teachers.

I must finish some of my own training first because then I will be fully seasoned. A good cook knows when the seasoning is just right and a smart vintner knows when the wine is aged to perfection ready to be uncorked.

My time has come. The events of the last few years have certainly been in tune with what my vedic and western astrologers have said, both have been right on. So I'm putting it out there and I'll go with the flow. Buddhism teaches me to detach from the outcome, not to cling but to let go -- if it happens it happens. I'm giving it up to something that is greater outside myself.

If you want to study with me, tell me your interest. Just because you take a teacher training doesn't mean you must teach. Many yogi practitioners take teacher trainings only for the deeper knowledge. I already teach workshops, so doing a teacher training is merely taking it a step further.

Besides...my teachers in India told us that if we do not teach what we have learned and take it out into the world we are nothing more but thieves.